I want all of your crappy babies
by yourheartlivesinmyvagina
Summary: Meredith gets pregnant during the hot examroom sex, but what happends when Addison is pregnant too, and Mer thinks it's Dereks? And what will Finn say about this? And how does Mer react on Dereks actions? MerDer Addison/Mark
1. Are you trying to be funny?

**A/N: So, im starting a new fic, gonna have theese two. This is pretty fluffy, mainly MerDer Addison/Mark.**

**What happeneds when its NOT Mer's appendix? And Addison is pregnant?  
What's Derek gonna say and do?  
why care, read insted!**

**Disclaimer: You THINK i am shonda rhimes? nah, exactly! **

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Meredith stopped at the corner. Her stomach was turning inside out inside her and she couldn't understand why.  
"Woman troubles?" She heard Cristinas voice in the back of her head, behind her thoughts.  
"Men troubles. I think this dating two guys thing is getting to me. The stress of it. Finn, Derek. Derek, Finn. I think I'm getting an ulcer." Meredith cleared.  
"McDreamy and the vet are making you sick?" Cristina scoffed in front of her as she took a few deep breaths.  
"I just need to make a choice and get it over with" Meredith told most herself but she knew she answered Cristinas statement before they kept walking after Bailey on rounds.

Addison sat on her couch in her room in OB/GYN wing and gave a huge groan as she realized the test she held in her left hand had a big pink plus on it. _This doesn't HAPPED, not to me.. I'm Addison, I don't do this..Fuck,_ She sighed on the test once again before she put it in her drawer on her desk and walked out and over to the surgical wing, she walked the fastest way over to talk to her husband, or ex-husband or whatever he was, she noticed him just before she noticed Meredith Grey sitting on the end of a chair, and he was heading towards her. She walked over to Bailey instead and looked up from the desk to see Mark shake hands with the Chief.  
"Bailey, can I have… Oh my god!" was all she could say..

Meredith felt her stomach turn and twist and as they had finished rounds she sat down on the end of the chair.  
Behind her she heard steps,  
" I am clipping an aneurysm later any interest?" It was Dereks voice, she just wanted to turn around and scream that she hadn't made her choice but when she opened her mouth to answer whatever he was about to say her stomach decided now was the best time for it to empty itself.  
She heard Baileys concerned voice and then George screamed.  
"No, Mr. Sullivan don't light that" and the rest was all a blur of doctors running around, and Cristina helping her out from there to the lobby handing her a glass of water.  
**"**You're burning up." Derek walked up beside her and Cristina and smiled his typical McDreamy smile.  
**"**I'm fine." She smiled to him drowning in his blue eyes.  
**"**You don't look fine. You look beautiful, but you don't look fine."  
**"**Now I'm going to throw up." Cristina scoffed.  
**"**Go. You have aneurysms to cut and surgeons to confront." Meredith smiled at Derek.  
**"**Are you going to be alright?" Derek looked at her, with a concerned smile on his face, he really loved her..  
Meredith nodded "Yeah"

Addison was standing in the stairs reading her chart as she saw mark coming down and Derek stand bark on Richard. Right now she knew she didn't want to talk to either of them.  
"You were supposed to be back in New York" She glared to Mark.  
She didn't listen to his answer, she just answered when he said something until she heard the awful noise of someone throwing up to see Meredith throw up down at the desk again.  
"Holy crap, are you pregnant?" Cristina said a little too loud when Meredith threw up again.  
As Meredith rose up again she saw Derek run down the stairs between Mark and Addison leaving the chief on his own.  
"An adulterous love child?" Addison glared at Derek; she knew she needed to tell him.  
The one thing she hadn't thought of then was the night she had with Mark a month ago.  
"Goes along with an adulterous sociopath" He snapped her before he looked after Meredith who was pulled away by Cristina and Bailey was standing in front of him.  
"Meredith" He looked after her.  
"Eh, uh! You've done enough already" Bailey looked at him.

Meredith was lying on the table; Cristina was pressing her stomach when Bailey entered.  
"Grey, ehm.. You"  
"No, seriously?"  
Cristina looked at her..  
"Sadly, or whatever.. Yes"  
Cristina didn't get anything as she stood there.  
"What?" She groaned and looked over at Meredith.  
"Nothing, it's just that I'm pregnant" Meredith sighed. "And now I have to tell Derek, he WON'T be happy, since he's going to think it's Finns and... Bailey, let me work"  
"You're on Addison today, if you can handle it. Get an appointment to, please! And tell McDreamy.. Did I just say that? You affect me too much." Bailey said and left the room.  
Meredith sat up and put her face in her hands.  
"fuck.. fuck.. fuck.. "  
Cristina turned over to her. "McBaby or mcVet's kid?"  
"ehm, McBaby.. "She said with a shy smile actually feeling happy, her choice was made and she sighed in relief.  
"Well I'd better head to Addison and vaginasquat before she kills me" Mer laughed. "Well, she will anyway but yeah"

She headed up to OB as she smiled for herself, in the stairs she met Derek who seemed to be in his own bubble.  
"You okay?" she asked him with a smile.  
"You are happy!" He declared "Yeah, I'm fine, I guess you are too"  
She smiled and nodded, "I'm perfect, you will be too, in about three minutes"  
He scoffed "I doubt that" and blinked.  
"Hey" She smiled and pointed with her finger at him and put her free hand on her belly.  
"I'm…" She begun and smiled.  
Derek's eyes widened as she moved the hand. "You're .. Pregnant?" She noticed how he got short.  
"What's with the grumpy?" She glanced at him feeling overwhelmed when she realized he thought it was Finns baby.  
"Well, I assume Finn is going to be a great dad" He made a move and started to walk by her in the stairs when she took a step to the side and stopping him. She scoffed quietly and looked at him.  
"Hey, grumpy, hold it.." She kissed him quickly and smiled, she felt how she weakened in her knees. The body in front of her, and the blue eyes she starred in, his perfect face, his perfect eyes, and his perfect hair made her shiver.  
Derek looked at her; his cranky face now was more indifferent as he took a step to the side.  
"Well, tell Finn I think he's going to be a great dad" he groaned again as he took a step to walk away again.  
Meredith shook her head as she stopped him, again.  
"Which point of hold it up, don't you get? I was thinking Grey-Shepherd as last name" She raised her eyebrows to him as he took a step back and starred at her with a shocked expression in his face. "How can you as a brain surgeon be so brainless? I kissed you? Of course it's yours"  
"You never said, yours but.. I assumed." His voice was shaking as he started to smile.  
"You would know, if you knew me right... That I didn't sleep with Finn" She giggled.  
"What?" Derek's voice was in a sudden amount chock. He started to smile as he took her in his arms and spun around.  
"You're going to be a dad" She laughed when he put her down and he kissed her softly.  
"I divorced Addison, yesterday" His smile was as wide as it possibly could.  
"Aouch, I'm working with her today, and I'm supposed to ask her for a check" Meredith closed her eyes slowly, breathing in the smell of Derek as he hugged her.  
"It'll be okay, tell her it's mine.. " Derek laughed "She'll be incredibly pissed, since she wanted kids like forever and I didn't want hers" he smiled "I only wanted yours, with your angelic smile and your soft hair and perfect smell" He whispered in her ear.  
"Lunch at noon" she declared to him before she ran to Addison's office.

"I thought I hadn't got an Intern today" She growled at Mer when she ran in.  
"Sorry, I was looking up if I could possibly get a check up before I got here, but you were the only one available" Meredith looked down in the floor.  
"Check up?" Addison looked confused.  
"Yeah, I'm pregnant…" She felt the air thicken and she took a few deep breaths. _The air here could be cut with a knife_, Mer sighed to herself.  
"Well, then you can do one on me after" Addison snapped quickly.  
"You're pregnant to?" Meredith felt how she got dizzy. _She's pregnant, with Derek's child! Crap. Crap. Crap._ She felt how she hit the ground before she passed out.

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**I'm so mean, starting with a cliffhanger. HA..  
Well, So Their pregnant both of them, with Dereks childs?  
And how is Finn gonna react on the news?**

Reviews are love!

And a preview for chap 2:  
**  
**_Meredith smiled at his concern for her. _  
_ "Hey, I love you to but, not talking so loud about it please?" _  
_ He sighed loudly, "Yeah, go back to Addison.. She's been pacing the past 10 minutes, which is likely since you passed out in front of her" Derek smiled at her and kissed her passionately on her mouth._


	2. It's destiny right?

**Read and Review.  
A/N: Im gonna update this and my other fic, prettu irregular with school coming up.**

**Here we get a few answers on our questions, but.. Defo not all of them.. That just makes you wanna keep reading right?**

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Meredith looked right up in the bright blue eyes she knew so well and she felt a small ache in the back of her head.  
"Don't ever do that again" Dereks voice was scared and she scoffed at him.  
"I just got a few shocking news, chill" She smiled at him as she sat up.  
"Ehm you're expecting my child. Don't ever think I will chill, I love you too much for doing that"  
Meredith smiled at his concern for her.  
"Hey, I love you to but, not talking so loud about it please?"  
He sighed loudly, "Yeah, go back to Addison.. She's been pacing the past 10 minutes, which is likely since you passed out in front of her" Derek smiled at her and kissed her passionately on her mouth.  
Meredith walked over to Addison.  
"Sorry for that, ehm.. I didn't eat breakfast. Think it was that"  
Addison shook her head.  
"Aren't Derek supposed to be on the first control?"  
Meredith heard the disguise in Addison's voice.  
"No, he's not.. He has to work" Meredith smiled for herself.  
Addison pointed to the chair that Meredith was supposed to sit in and she sat down and Addison started to check everything.  
"Last Period?"  
"I'm not sure.. What's today's date?"  
"February 12th"  
"Ehm, December 26th then" Meredith hesitated a bit before she said that, she remembered prom had been January 4th, But she didn't know for sure about her period..  
"Well then you should be about 6 weeks. 6 weeks and 6 days If I'm right." Addison hesitated when she said that. She knew she wasn't wrong on this, sadly.  
"You're due date is October 2nd then if we're right.. We're putting it there for now!" Addison took a deep breath.  
Meredith looked at Addison whose eyes were blanched of tears as the night of the prom reflected in her memory.

_She was dancing with Finn, and Derek was watching her. She couldn't stand it, she had to get out of there.  
Finn had looked at her. "You alright?"  
"Yeah, I'm just hot, and ah, claustrophobic. I just got to run splash some cold water on my face" And she had took off, she knew Derek followed her.  
"Meredith" His perfect voice called after her when she cut into the exam room.  
"Leave me alone"  
"I just want to make sure you're alright" He kept using his soft perfect voice, as she breathed or tried to atleast.  
"No! I'm not alright? Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright. Because you have a wife, and you call me a whore and our dog died, and now you're looking at me again. Stop looking at me." She sighed, she wanted him. She wanted him so bad.  
"I am not looking at you. I am __not__ looking at you. " He really tried to convince himself.  
__**"**__ You are looking at me. And you watch me. And Finn has plans. And I like Finn. He's perfect for me, and I'm really trying here to be happy, and I feel like I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that so just stop"Meredith felt the tears falling down her cheek, she didn't care.  
__**"**__ You think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married. I have responsibilities. She, she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands! Man, I would give anything to not be looking at you." Derek sighed; he knew he couldn't not have her. He loved her, more than anything.  
Meredith had stepped forward, and they had kissed, it was so familiar, they knew eachother like no one else did. They were made for eachother, fit together like nothing else. She smiled when Derek pulled his hands under her dress and pulled it off, how soft his hands were and how easy his tuxedo fell off. They became one body when he easily pulled his cock into her and made her moan loudly, the easy slide the soft touching and the kisses. They were one soul, and he moaned into her ear when she let everything go and everything in her world collapsed in an orgasm. _

Meredith took a few deep breaths as she came back to reality. She smiled at Addison who gave her a sly smile back.  
"Well, you want to make an ultrasound today?" Addison made a hint of moving.  
"Yeah, why not? But can I just page Derek then?" Meredith smiled as Addison nodded.  
"Go ahead" And Meredith got a nurse to page Derek who ran up to her and looked at her.  
"What's wrong?" He breathed rapidly. Both Addison and Meredith laughed at him and his apparently bad fitness.  
"Nothing" Meredith smiled as she came to her sense again. "We're going to do an ultrasound, thought you wanted to see"  
Dereks eyes sparkled, and he took her hand in his and squeezed it softly.  
"Of course" He kissed her forehead as Meredith pulled up her sweater.  
"Well, it's going to be cold, but I guess you know that" Addison's voice softened as she saw their happiness. They smiled at eachother as the slow beat filled the room and Dereks eyes filled with tears. They both focused on the screen were it was a small fetus on the screen. Derek kissed Mers cheek and smiled. He wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face and he sighed, a happy sigh.  
"Well, it seems to be a healthy baby… Atleast for this six weeks old fetus. "Addison smiled at them.  
Derek nodded, his eyes were focused on the screen again, until Addison turned it off.  
"Well, we need to work, don't we?" She blinked at them as Mer folded down her sweater again.  
"Yeah, I have a craniotomy in ten minutes so, I have to run" Derek kissed Mers forehead. " I love you baby" And he looked at Addison, "thanks, you're great Addie" He smiled and he turned around and walked out.  
Addison looked at Mer, "Well, should we get started then?"  
"I just have to ask.." Mer looked at her, "Is it Dereks or Marks?"  
Addison's eyes widened. "I don't know. I would believe it was Dereks, but.. I honestly don't know." She sighed.. Mer shrugged and smiled. "Well.. Let's start then"

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**Well, i'll try to update soon! Reviews are love**

**Preview of chap.3  
**_"No, she said I should look for you, You okay?" _  
_ "I'm fine, I'm fine" She shook her head._  
_ "No Meredith, You're not.. Trust me, I know you" _  
_ She took a really deep breath,_  
_ "I bumped into Finn, and he heard by Cristina that I was pregnant and I ran away cause I had to throw up." She sighed_


	3. You should be calm

Addison smiled over the print on her desk, by Merediths help she had gotten a ultrasound picture and she had figured out she was only 5 weeks pregnant. That was though something Meredith didn't know, and Addison knew who the father was. Her mind slipped away for a moment as she thought of the night and she was taken back to reality by a knock on the door.  
"Addie, I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean for it to happened.." Derek looked at her from the door of her office.  
"It's okay, it really is.. I mean, I knew you two were more or less soulmates so I guess I had to cave right?" She smiled at him.  
"Well, I know how you always wanted a baby and.. I don't know.. I'm just glad we're friends, cause I still adore you Addie" Derek tilted his head and smiled.  
"Yeah, I know.. Though I.." She started as Derek walked in and sat down on the front of her desk and noticed the sonogram picture.  
"Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery …. ?" He squealed.  
"Calm down, it's Marks.. again" She whispered quietly.  
"Again…?" Derek looked at her.  
"Yeah, long story.. Do not want to talk about that" She sighed  
"Addison?"  
"I made an abortion once.. Deal with it okay?"  
"Oh, I'm so sorry…."  
Addison shrugged as Derek walked around and pulled her into a hug.  
"I'm fine Derek, but I think you should go take care of Meredith…" Addison scoffed to herself.  
Derek nodded quick before he walked out and bounced into Mer.  
"Well I was looking for you" He smiled and kissed her head.  
"I… Addison probably has something for me…" She pulled away quickly.  
"No, she said I should look for you, You okay?"  
"I'm fine, I'm fine" She shook her head.  
"No Meredith, You're not.. Trust me, I know you"  
She took a really deep breath,  
"I bumped into Finn, and he heard by Cristina that I was pregnant and I ran away cause I had to throw up." She sighed

_"Cristina, not so loud" Meredith exclaimed as she scoffed.  
"Mer, everyone knows, I kind of told everyone the first time you know" Cristina rolled her eyes.  
"Well Derek seemed happy atleast" She continued.  
"Yeah, He's ecstatic you know, he said he never wanted Addisons babies, only mine since the day we met" Meredith giggled.  
They rounded the corner to the cafeteria and Mer suddenly jumped.  
"Finn.." She swallowed as she smiled to him.  
"Meredith, I tried to call you" Finn said dryly  
"Sorry, I've been.. " She began as a wave of nausea filled her.  
"Mer…" Cristina looked at her as she pulled a hand to her mouth and swallowed.  
"I'm fine.. This morning sickness just.." She said as the next wave hit her and she ran off to the toilet where she let everything from the morning come back.  
She heard the door and then a concerned voice.  
"Mer …." Cristina stood outside and waited.  
"Sorry, breakfast doesn't taste as good the second time" She joked.  
"Mer… Finn is… ehm.. mad? Concerned? Confused? I don't know"  
"Crap" Mer sighed and bent over the toilet once again.  
"Mer, that noise.." Cristina growled.  
There was a quiet moment before Mer opened the door.  
"Sorry… I guess Finn.." She sighed  
They walked out together and Mer faced Finn right outside the doors.  
"Sorry, I should had told you but.. " She began  
"So it's Dereks?"  
"Who else's should it be?" She rolled her eyes at him and sighed.  
"I don't know.. Maybe you screw boys like whores on tequila? I don't know"  
"Finn, I'm sorry.. "  
"You know, he's just going to hurt you again"  
"Well, then.. I have to deal with that then, right? I am carrying his child" Meredith scoffed.  
"Goodbye Meredith"  
"Goodbye Finn"_

_Cristina looked at her as Finn walked away.  
"Dude, that was rough"  
Mer shook her head.  
"I need to get back to Addie, she's all warpath and stuff…"  
She walked the stairs and as she rounded the corner to OB she bumped into Derek._

"Mer, You aren't okay…" Derek pulled her into a hug and breathed her lavender scent.  
She sighed and leaned into his chest.  
"I love you, I love you, I love you" She whispered into his chest.  
"I love you too" He smiled and kissed her head.  
He took her in his arms and carried her into an on-call room and put her on the bed.  
"Now, you need sleep and food" He smiled as he texted Addie.  
**_Mer is resting in an on-call room. She threw up, again. Need her, page her. Hope it's okay! / Der  
_**He pulled up a snack-bar and gave it to her before he laid down beside her and she quickly cuddled up against his chest.

Addison looked at her phone, _Good, the man has some decency. _She thought as she got a page.  
She ran down to the pit, finding Callie standing and waiting for her.  
"What do we got?" She asked with a sly smile.  
"Female, 26 fell in the shower, broken arm. 37 weeks pregnant"  
Addison gasped and nodded.  
"Let's go"

She stood outside the exam-room, Callie was softly holding an arm on her back.  
"Addie?"  
"I, This shouldn't affect me this much." She sighed as she cradle her head in her hands.  
"What?" Callie pulled away a string of hair from her face as she looked at Addie.  
"This morning, she had a perfectly healthy baby, now.. He's dead" Addison sobbed and sighed.  
"Well, you need to tell them…" Callie mumbled quietly.  
"Nah, they can be happy for a few more minutes…" Addison whimpered quietly.  
Inside her chest it ached, she was carrying Mark Sloan's baby, once again.  
That was the one thing she didn't want, but she didn't want to go through that horrible abortion once more. She bit her lower lip and started to itch on the point under her eye.

Meredith looked at Derek, she had slept for probably two hours and he hadn't left her side once during that time. She turned around so her face met his and smiled to him, his hand rested on her hip and she put her hand on his chest. Their eyes met, his calm blue deep looking searching and her soft green happy. They both just lay there until a sudden beep heard.  
"Crap" Mer clutched her hand to the bed when she stood up to fast. The room was spinning and she winched just noticeable for Derek who was up and holding her in the blink of an eye.  
"Mer… Easy 'Kay?" She scoffed at his nervous voice.  
"Seriously Derek, stop hovering. I just stood up to fast, but my shift is over in 30mins, can you drive me home?" She groaned.  
"Of course, whatever you need Mer" He whispered.  
"I need you to stop hovering, and… tomorrow we need to talk about us, okay?" She smiled at him.  
He nodded as they walked out, Mer sighed as she noticed Bailey.  
"CRAP" She said a little too loud burying her head in her hands.  
", on-call rooms are for sleeping" Bailey growled.  
"She slept " Derek assured her.  
"Sure, , that's why you both were there"  
"Bailey, I did… Didn't feel so good and Derek helped me, and I slept for atleast 2 hours" Her voice was low and she licked her lips before she looked at Bailey.  
" didn't need you?"  
Mer shook her head as Derek smiled at Bailey.  
"She said she needed to take care of herself… " He felt Mers hand in his, and smiled as she turned around and kissed him softly.  
"Thanks for.. Sleeping with me.. I haven't slept so good since we slept in the same bed last time" She hummed.  
"Well.. Glad I can help" He joked as they nodded goodbye to Bailey and walked out to Mers old SUV.  
"Sappy Derek, Sappy!"  
"Want to walk home?" He tittered as she rose her eyebrows.  
"You wouldn't do that to your pregnant girlfriend" She scoffed slyly.  
"True… " He smiled..  
They rode in silence and Mer smiled at him when he parked for her only to get out of the car.  
"You aren't following?" She choked and her smiled disappeared from her face.  
"I didn't think you wanted me to.." Derek began before he smiled at her.  
"Of course, if you want!" He smiled at her before he kissed her lips gently.  
He drove around and parked on the driveway and they walked in together when Dereks phone rang.  
"Hi ma.." He answered worried.  
"You got a divorce? And I heard there's a knocked up girlfriend" Carolyn laughed on the other side of the line.  
"Ma, Not now okay?" He sighed….  
"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I've booked a flight down for tomorrow. Hope that's okay?"  
"Yes Ma, I guess… You staying for long?" He mumbled so Mer wouldn't notice.  
"Three days maybe, what's with the voice?"  
"I need to go, I'm at Mers. Love you Ma"  
He hung up before Carolyn could say anything and walked into the kitchen where he found Mer eating an apple..  
"You've gone healthy… Mer, ehm…. My mom flies down here tomorrow.. Just so you know.. And she knows about you.." He fixated his eyes on a paper.  
"WHAT?" Mer screamed "Your MUM? You know mothers don't like me…" She glared.  
"Well, I guess Addie called her" He sighed "We can sleep anyway.. I'm still tired" He took her in his arms and carried her up the stairs as she giggled and before he opened the door he kissed her forehead softly.  
"Our baby will be pretty" He whispered.

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**Well, i'll try to update soon! Reviews are love**

**Preview of chap.4  
**_"Carolyn Shepherd, You must be Meredith" Carolyn smiled at her.  
"I'm sorry, mothers don't like me.. I'm going for the assumption that you won't either. I'm not so happy, i have.. Issues and problems" Mer revealed slowly but to her great luck Carolyn just smiled.  
"I like you Meredith, You're carrying my grandchild.. And i think Derek needs you, he's never been so happy before as with you"  
Meredith just starred at Carolyn who kept talking.  
"I hope you get married one day, You'd be a perfect wife for him... You two are soulmates, that's for sure!" _


	4. I hope you dance

**A/N: So Carolyn's here, how is this going to end? **  


* * *

Derek smiled at his mother as he nodded to Mer.  
"Ma, this is.." He started. He had picked her up an hour ago and she had prompted to let her meet his girlfriend first so he had gone straight to the hospital.  
"Carolyn Shepherd, You must be Meredith" Carolyn smiled at her as she hugged her. "Derek, get us coffee please"  
"I'm sorry, mothers don't usually likes me.. I'm going for the assumption that you won't either. I'm not so happy, I have.. Issues and problems" Mer revealed slowly but to her great luck Carolyn just smiled.  
"I like you Meredith; You're carrying my grandchild... Girls carrying my grandchildren are likeable, and I think Derek needs you, he's never been as happy before as with you"  
Meredith just starred at Carolyn who kept talking.  
"I hope you get married one day, You'd be a perfect wife for him... You two are soulmates, that's for sure!"  
Mer gasped loudly when Carolyn mentioned marriage. She wasn't the marrying kind.  
Carolyn smiled as Mers pager went off.  
"Sorry, duty calls" Mer groaned quietly before she ran off leaving Carolyn to study the girl and thinking of her.  
_She is perfect for Derek, he seems to light up.. He needs to light up, he needs some sparkle in his life. She's the love of his life, definitely.  
_Derek handed her a cup of coffee as the interruption of her thoughts.  
"Ma, seriously? Why are you here?" He asked firmly.  
"To give you this" She put a small box on the counter and nodded as he opened it.  
"You want me to marry you?" He laughed.  
"No, silly.. It's for that pretty girl of yours; one day you will ask her to marry you. But Derek, if you do, wait until after that adorable little baby to be of yours is born. If you don't find the perfect timing, okay?"  
"What?" Derek shrugged slightly.  
"Yeah, You've never been this happy Derek.. But if I know you right, you'd do it in an inappropriate time, and then the scared young girl will think you'd marry her just cause she's pregnant, am I right?"  
"Wow Ma, you're awesome! But what's this ring from?" Derek hesitated.  
"Your Dad gave it to me, to give to you for the right girl. Addie wasn't right, clearly.." She blinked at him just as Addie walked out of the elevator.  
Derek mumbled a few quiet words under his breath as Addie headed towards them.  
"Carolyn?" She smiled briefly.  
"Addison.." Carolyn spilled in disbelief.  
Addison hesitated quickly. "Oh, I have surgery in 30 minutes, Nice to meet you again Carolyn, been a long time. Oh Nice ring Derek" She mumbled.  
Derek glanced at his mother and bursted out in a laughter as Carolyn shook her head and rolled her eyes after Addison.  
"Speaking of the devil…" She grumbled just as loud that Addison perceived it.  
"Ma, she's.. pregnant to.. I think.. You'd better be nice" Derek stuttered quietly.  
"Derek?" was Carolyns response on Dereks words.  
"Not… With.. Mark.." He mumbled..

Carolyn shifted in her position and shook her head.  
"Lunch later? I Want to check out Seattle" She smiled and headed out before Derek had a chance to answer. He sighed and walked towards the surgical board, searching for Merediths name.

Meredith sat in the cafeteria starring at the paper she held in her hand and had no attention on the surrounding world. She jump high when she heard someone behind her.  
"Mer.. what?" Cristina chuckled.  
"Cristina, don't scare me! What the hell?"  
"Well I saw, an old woman and you, and Derek.. Who?" She said frequently giving a head over the shoulder.  
"Dereks MOTHER.. " She breathed.  
"Who? What? Dereks mom?"  
"Dereks Mom?" Izzie and George looked at Mer as they sat down.  
"Yeah she's here…." Mer made a face  
"Whoa, and you met her?" Izzie squealed making George and Cristina to laugh.  
"Yeah, apparently she liked me cause I'm pregnant…" She mumbled.  
"WHAT?" Izzie looked at Cristina "You knew about this?"  
"Yeah" Cristina established to Izzie's chagrin.  
"Mer.. Why didn't you tell us?" George whimpered loudly making everyone look at them.  
"Cause I don't want the entire hospital to know.." She groaned as the small amount of food she had moved back up her throat. She looked at Cristina that stood up and helped her up before she ran out to the bathroom. In the corner she bumped into Derek.  
"Mer… Can we.." He started until Cristina looked at him..  
"This is your fault.. Don't think she likes you right now" She glared.  
"What..?" Dereks confusion was on top.  
"Morning sickness, or any sickness at all" Cristina whispered.  
"Ohhh.. " Derek sighed as he followed Cristina to the bathroom door.  
"I'll wait out here" He stated just as Mer came back out and glared at him.  
"You.." She groaned.  
"I'm so sorry, It really wasn't my intention." He mumbled as he caught her and pulled her into his chest.  
"I Love You" He whispered into her ear.  
Cristina noticed the smile Mer got on her face.  
"Yuck.. Love struck intern and her boyfriend.. Disgusting.. I'm outta here." She made a noise and walked away as Derek looked at Mer.  
"You okay? You eaten anything the past days?" He stroke her hair slowly.  
"Derek, stop with the hovering.. okay?" She snapped before she leaned against his chest.  
"No, I have got an apple and a cracker for the three past days"  
"Holy shit.. Come here" He reached out a hand and she grabbed it.  
Derek made his way through the entire hospital and found Bailey.  
"We have lunch, with my mom. But Mer hasn't eaten in a few days. She haven't got a case this afternoon right?" He smiled quickly at Bailey who nodded.  
"Get out, get her healthy.. She's off tomorrow, I think she'll make it through her intern year anyway" Bailey scoffed easily.  
Mer shook her head slightly.  
"Lunch, with your mom? Seriously?" She bit her lower lip.  
"She likes you Mer, she really do.. She thinks you're good for me!" Derek lit up.  
"Yeah, she told me.. She told me that we should get married" She scoffed as she looked at him.  
"She did? Really?"  
Mer nodded, "Derek, I… I don't want to get married.. I barely want to grow this child in my uterus.. I'm going to be a horrible mother and mostly, I'm having this child because I know you want a kid so badly. And I don't even know if we're going to stay together, cause if Addie is having your baby to I know you'll be with her to, and I can't take that.. " She mumbled before she burst out into tears, her body was shaking as Derek wiped away the tears from her eyes and looked into her eyes.  
"Meredith Grey, what are you thinking about me? I would never leave you.. I can't leave you, You are the love of my life. If I left you I'd be heartbroken forever.. And Addie is not carrying my child" He assured her before he kissed her and took her hand and led her to the elevator.  
"We're just having a salad with my mom, then I'll take you home and…" He smiled at her as she looked at him.  
"The you sleep with me before you go pick your mum up and head to your trailer right?"  
"No, my mom's staying at a hotel, I can't have her in the trailer.."  
"Right, forgot trailer.. Bad bed.. " She blinked as they entered the elevator.  
Derek scoffed lightly, "Sure.. No, then I'm picking my mom up and she and I have some stuff to do, she has to help me.." He shot her a tricky smile as he thought of the plans for his house, the house he was going to give her at the day their child was born, or well the day they came home.  
They took his car and headed to a restaurant in the middle of Seattle where Carolyn already waited.  
"Hello, You look pale Meredith" She claimed as they walked in.  
"She hasn't been keeping any food Ma, please.." Derek sighed as he put his arm around Mers waist, keeping her close to his body.  
"So, Meredith.. How far along are you?" Carolyn asked slightly out of nowhere as they had got their food.  
"Ehm, 7 weeks…" She mumbled.. "I'm due on October 2nd" She smiled as both Derek and Carolyn choked slightly.  
"October 2nd?" Derek coughed.  
"Yeah… Why?" She mumbled in confusion..  
"That's…." Carolyn opened her mouth. "You didn't know it was Dereks birthday?"  
Derek slowly turned to Meredith, who had tears in her eyes..  
"Really?" She sobbed slowly.  
Derek nodded, "Whatever.. Ma, I just got to take her home, and get her to sleep, what if I'll pick you up in three hours ?" He smiled shyly.  
"Sounds Perfect, I'm going to Space Needle now so.. It's perfect. Se you alter dear!" Carolyn smiled as they walked out.  
Derek drove home in silence; he shot an eye at Mer every now and then but he didn't open his mouth. He parked the car before jumping out and running around to help her out, and he pulled her into a hug before they walked in.  
"So sleep?" She smiled at him as she glanced at her watch, 5.30 pm.  
"Yeah, but I'm meeting Ma at 7, just so you know" He blinked.  
"What are you up to?" She giggled as they walked up the stairs.  
"Nothing, we're just going to baby proof the trailer and maybe look at a few things to the nursery." He smiled as they heard the door open and Georges voice filled the hall and Mer sighed quietly.  
"Quiet please, I'm going to bed.." She screamed down the stairs.  
George shot an eye to Izzie and smiled. "Sure" He shouted back before they both headed into the kitchen.  
Mer shook her head.. "I want a kiss goodnight from you and… Don't wake me.. but come back tonight okay?"  
Derek kissed her as they sat down on the bed.  
"I can't promise, but I'll try.. Okay?" He smiled as they lay down cuddled up against eachother. He put his hand on her abdomen and the this far invisible baby bump she was going to get. She smiled to herself as she felt how his hand protected her and she put her own hand on top of it and she yawned. She slowly closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep, not even noticing Derek who snuck out of bed and downstairs to pick up his mother.  
He looked at Izzie, "Hey, did you see my drawings of the house?" He smiled as she nodded.  
"She's going to love it, She really am Derek" She smiled and George agreed slowly.  
"Ma and I are heading to break ground. It's going to be ready a week before she's due" He smiled.  
"Oh Derek… Now you only need to propose to get it perfect. "  
"You know, my mom said the exact same thing.. Except she said I shouldn't propose until after, or she'd think I'd do it just cause she's pregnant, unless there was a moment…" He shrugged.  
Izzie nodded. "Your mom is smart.." She giggled and Derek looked at the watch.  
"Well, time to go.. Wish me luck!" He blinked as he walked out.

Carolyn hugged Derek as they stood at the land, watching the contractors working.  
"Oh Derek, she's going to be so happy.."  
Derek smiled.. "I hope so, but we have a lot of obstacles in the way" He sighed..  
"Well, you can look forward to your birthday, right?" She blinked..  
"I hope so, I don't know.. maybe we're not even together, maybe she won't want me there.." HE sighed.. "You know she said_, and mostly,_ _I'm having this child because I know you want a kid so badly._ " He mumbled as he looked at his mother who shrugged.  
"She's going to change her mind Derek, I promise.. And she wouldn't even told you, just aborted it if she didn't wanted you to be happy. Derek, She loves you… Both you and I know that a girl doesn't have a child just cause a guy wants that. Especially not Meredith… She's the love of your life. Trust me on this Derek" Carolyn smiled as they headed back to the car.

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**A/N: ah, ain't im the cutest, haha! Reveiws are lovely, like always! and it encourages me to keep writing u know!**

_chapter 5. Preview  
_

_"Yeah.. Movie night?" She claimed as Izzie shrugged. _  
_ "Sure.. Whatever you want" Izzie blinked._  
_ "I want Derek there to, But he always has plans.. Like yesterday he claimed he was going out eating, I mean he's not he alone type so I guess. He was on a date.. I thought we were a couple.. " Mer sighed. _  
_ "Well, you said you were a couple?" Izzie mumbled. _  
_ "No, but still, I mean.. I am pregnant and It's his baby.. " Mer blurted._


	5. That's not your call

Meredith looked after Derek and sighed, "Iz, movie night? I want to cry to Titanic" She mumbled.  
"Why?" Izzies voice broke off.  
"I miss Carolyn, seriously.. She's been gone a week and I miss her. She was like a mom to me..." She whispered.  
Izzie smiled.. "Mer, it's okay.. You're hormonal to.. It's normal."  
"Yeah.. Movie night?" She claimed as Izzie shrugged.  
"Sure.. Whatever you want" Izzie blinked.  
"I want Derek there to, But he always has plans.. Like yesterday he claimed he was going out eating, I mean he's not he alone type so I guess. He was on a date.. I thought we were a couple.. " Mer sighed.  
"Well, you said you were a couple?" Izzie mumbled.  
"No, but still, I mean.. I am pregnant and It's his baby.. " Mer blurted.  
"Well, tell him.. " Izzie rolled her eyes as Sydney Heron walked up beside her.  
"You two talking about McDreamy?" She smiled.  
Iz sighed loudly.. "Peer…. yey"  
"Yeah, but just so you know.. He's taken" Mer scoffed..  
"Really? I saw him out the other day with a girl, they talked ab.." Sydney babbled as Izzie gave her a hard look.  
"He did WHAT?" Mer interrupted her sentence.  
"Ehm eating.. Dinner" Sydney mumbled before she looked at Iz, "Peer counseling.. "  
Izzie nodded, "Mer, I got to.. go" She growled and followed Sydney.

Mer walked over to the board, and found Dereks name pretty quickly. She sighed as she noticed he wasn't supposed to be done in another two hours, and walked away to the cafeteria.  
While waiting in the line to buy a cup of decaf coffee, she thought of what she was going to tell him.  
The girl at the coffee chart smiled at her, as she ordered decaf and she glared at her.  
"Not regular?" She asked confusedly.  
"No, Decaf.. " Mer claimed quickly..  
"Ohh.. You're…" She tilted her head.  
"No, I just want decaf.. please?" Mer shook her head.  
She took her coffee and just as she was walking away, Derek appeared in front of her.  
"You?" She groaned.  
"What?" Dereks confusion was on top.  
"Not here" She hissed and scoffed.  
"Mer.. ?" Derek looked after her before he realized he needed to follow her, and he sighed deeply.  
Mer walked out and stopped at the corner outside the hospital, waiting for Derek who breathed heavily when he came out.  
"Dating? SERIOUSLY?" She screamed at him.  
"What? Dating? I'm not dating anyone…" He mumbled not realizing his mistake.  
"yeah, right? Sydney had seen you.. with a girl… And yeah, right you're not dating ANYONE, not anymore anyway" She yelled with tears streaming down her face before she ran back inside leaving Derek in his own misery.  
Mer ran down the halls before she entered the locker room and literally fell into Izzies arms.  
"Mer?" Iz softly asked.  
"He.. " She sobbed into Izzies chest.. "H-h-h-he said h-h-he didn't date.. an-an-any-anyone"  
"He probably meant anyone but you Mer.." Izzie said with a shy smile.  
"His exact words were, _What? Dating? I'm not dating anyone…_ " Mer wiped away the tears from her face as the door flung open and Cristina walked in.  
"What the hell?" She groaned. "Mer, You know, McDreamy is all... nah... Emotional out there, I think he's going to kill himself soon." She scoffed slightly.  
Mer shook her head and gazed at Cristina.  
"It's actually mortifying that he asked me to go in here and check if he could come in" Cristina growled.  
Mer shook her head. "He can't… I don't know.. I'm just not in the right mood okay?" She looked at Izzie..  
"I'll tell him" Izzie confirmed as she headed towards the door leaving Mer and Cristina alone.  
"What did he do Mer? He's an ass, you know that.. You knew he was going to do something.. That's your path" Cristina sighed.  
"Thanks, supportive is so your style Cris" Mer groaned ironically through a sob before she sat up and ran off to the bathroom.  
"Mer?" Cristina asked as she saw the back of her friend.  
Mer emptied her stomach completely before she coughed and stepped back.  
"Sorry, I had to.. Yeah" She mumbled.  
"okay, that's it.. We're going home.." Cristina stated.  
She grabbed Mers hand and literally dragged her out of the locker room and down the stairs to Bailey.  
"She's not okay.." She whispered to Bailey.  
"I can tell, she's green in her face.. " Bailey shook her head.  
"Go home, both of you.. Now.. "  
Cristina followed Mer to her car, not bumping in to Derek once on the way and she drove home.

"Where is my intern Bailey?" Derek looked at her,  
"The one for the day or the one you messed up pretty badly?" She scoffed at him.  
"Ehm, both?" He hesitated suddenly. "Messed up, what?"  
"Your intern for the day, took the one you screwed up away from you.. Since you made her loose all her food, again.. Shortly, I let them off early" She growled.  
Dereks eyes slowly widened.  
"Where did they go?" He asked dryly.  
"How am I supposed to know? But listen to me, You give that girl some space, she's emotional, she has too many feelings streaming to her system, she's pregnant, and I heard something about you don't dating anyone which made her hormones go insane, so give her some space.. You've hurt her enough Derek" Bailey said and turned back to her charts.  
Derek slowly shook his head before he turned around and headed away. He starred at his watch, it was another hour until his shift ended. He sighed and pulled a hand through his hair.  
"Shepherd.. " A voice said behind him and he turned around to face Mark.  
"Oh, you.." He mumbled.  
"I heard about the, slutty intern" He tried to joke.  
"Slutty Intern? Have you LOOKED at yourself" He yelled  
"Sorry.." Mark mumbled and Dereks head shot up.  
"Sorry?" He laughed..  
"Yeah, I'm Sorry.. I kind of miss you man" Mark mumbled.  
"Wow, you changed.. Well.. I'm outta here.. bye Sloan" Derek groaned slowly.

Derek drove to Mers house, and knocked on the door. He saw her swollen face, red eyes and the tear stripes on her chin before she opened the door.  
"Mer can we talk atleast?" He looked into her eyes, and she met his blue eyes and she shivered.  
Cristina looked at him from behind. "No… You ruined her" She hissed suddenly.  
"No Cris, it's okay.. He won't have time. He probably has a date, right? Oh yeah, you don't date anyone.." Mer glanced at his reaction.  
"I don't date anyone no, cause I have a girlfriend" He shot back dryly at her quickly, making her tears start falling again.  
"Well, go to her th-th-h-then.." She cried.  
"I am at her house, just waiting for the right moment to kiss her" Derek responded feeling a big ache in his heart.  
Mers head shot up and she wiped away a few tears and sobbed as Derek leaned forward and kissed her softly on her lips, before he stepped forward and pulled her into his chest feeling her body shake slightly and he kissed the top of her head.  
"Mer, I love you and No one else.. okay?" He let go of her and lifted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "But I must say, you hurt me when you said_ I'm having this child because I know you want a kid so badly. _" He mumbled.  
"I love you to Derek… And it's not true, I said it cause… okay it's partly true, but if I didn't want this.. I wouldn't kept It right? I just need time to adjust.. And I want it cause, whatever happens I'll always have a part of you with me.." She whispered into his chest.  
"Mer, you.. You make me incredibly happy…" He whispered as he grabbed her and carried her up to her bed and put her under the covers and lay down beside her.  
"Sleep well, love" He smiled at her as she slowly fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

**Well, i'll try to update soon! Reviews are love**

**Preview of chap.6_  
_**

_"I can't believe I'm already 10 weeks along" Mer gasped as she and Derek sat in the exam room. _  
_ "Neither can I" He smiled as he put his hands on her tiny baby bump. _  
_ She smiled slightly as she put her hand over Dereks._  
_ "Well, We're done.. Should we?" She blinked at him before she pulled down her sweater and they walked out of the room when Mer suddenly winched in pain._


	6. Moment of truth

**A/N: okay, this is major fluff, just filling out. Next update im doing is on my other fic, but right now its a lot. i have school again and this weekend its party, u know! We're all in for once.. so well ready, enjoy!**

* * *

"I can't believe I'm already 10 weeks along" Mer gasped as she and Derek sat in the exam room.  
"Neither can I" He smiled as he put his hands on her tiny baby bump.  
She smiled slightly as she put her hand over Dereks.  
"Well, We're done.. Should we?" She blinked at him before she pulled down her sweater and they walked out of the room when Mer suddenly winched in pain.  
"Mer?" Derek grabbed her around her waist to help her stand straight.  
"I'm fine, it was just.. something.." She mumbled quickly..  
"That's nothing.. Was it the baby?" Dereks concern disturbed Mer.  
"Yeah, it was nothing.. If it comes back I'll page Addie okay?" She smiled easily.  
"Fine.. " Derek growled,  
"It was like, a hiccup or a bounce into my ribs.. " She laughed at him..  
He starred at her, "You're kidding right?"  
She rolled her eyes at him.. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.. It was nothing, Addie and I talked about it like yesterday when it happened the first time.. If its several times and long she told me to page her and then it's a possible miscarriage, this.. It's just our peanut doing loops in my stomach and it hurts pretty much if he hits my rib" She giggled.  
Mer was in a way better mood than for a long time, her morning sickness was almost gone and she had Derek, sure he was overprotective all the time but he made time for her, he helped her and he was so helpful. They've slept in on-call rooms, she slept way better with him beside her, and of course, there had been a lot of dirty smile that she smiled at from day to day, but mostly they just did things like watched movies, ate, slept and just cuddled.  
Derek on the other hand was worried, he had used all his excuses for the house and he was nervous about Mer finding out. She wanted to go to the trailer several times, and every time he had to deny her, it always made his heart ache.  
"He?" He asked Mer briefly.  
"Yeah, I don't want to call him or her It. That's just, mean" She blinked.  
Derek laughed at her and kissed her cheek before he gave her a short nod.  
"I have to go, Have fun in the clinic" He smiled and kissed her again and she coughed at him before she headed to the clinic.  
"I feel, clinicy.." George smiled as he walked up beside her, coming down from dermatology.  
"Really? Not Dermatologyic?" She scoffed and they burst out in a laughter thinking of Cristina's day in the sofa.  
They looked at eachother as they opened the clinic.  
"Well, time to work.. " Mer sighed lightly smiling at George as she grabbed a handful of charts.  
"Let's meet on the middle, it'll be fun!" She giggled as she handed George half of all the charts.  
George groaned and grabbed them.  
"Clinicy, not my feeling anymore…. I got all the.. " He looked at Mer .. "Rectals"  
Mer laughed. "Duh, yeah.. I can't do them unless you want to clean up my vomit later" She blinked at him and George headed off to his first patient.

Addison looked at Meredith and Derek as she noticed Mers slight winch.  
_Derek is so overreacting that… God, I'm glad she knows what it is.. _Addison thought to herself not noticing the couple separating and she jumped as her door suddenly flung up and Derek entered.  
"Crap" She squealed.. "Derek.. KNOCKING?"  
"Sorry, I just… What was that thing?" He mumbled.  
"The loop, it's normal.. I promise! There's nothing wrong and it's not going to happened anything with the baby.. " Addison assured him smoothly.  
"Well.. Thanks I guess…" Derek sighed briefly as he turned around.  
"Derek… Wait.. I could need a consult" Addison hesitated.  
Derek turned around.. "Yeah?"  
"A girl with a spinal tumor, she's 2 years old" Addison mumbled trying to hold her tears back.  
"Addie, I.. I don't think, oh I'll take a look" Derek shushed Addie.

George groaned as he sat down in the cafeteria.  
"23 rectal exams, 23! Just cause, I don't want to dry up vomit. It's SO gross!"  
Mer laughed at him. "You choose George, I gave you an out" She remembered him  
Izzie looked at him.  
"I did rectals my first day, that was.. yeah I know how you're feeling" She sighed of the memory.  
Mer giggled, "I remember. You couldn't even eat, and then Burke came and told George he'd do an appy"  
"And then everyone called me 007, cause I almost killed the guy" George scoffed.  
Izzie and Mer looked at eachother and burst out in a laughter.  
"Hey, 007's telling his story?" Cristina claimed "Interesting! Glad you're not 007 anymore Georgie"  
"It's George" He roared to her in a mild anger before he stood up and stormed out leaving the table of girls to laugh at him.  
"Lil Georgie is a girl" Cristina teased silently before Mer shook her head.  
"So…." She said looking at her friends.  
They both focused on her as she put her hands up.  
"I was just trying to start a conversation" She mumbled.  
"Well, anything new on the wicked witch?" Cristina mumbled as Izzie gave her a murdering look.  
"She's not a.. witch" Izzie gulped.  
"Well, whatever.. She's… the p word" Mer whispered and both Cristina and Izzie dropped their jaws.  
"What?" They both choked as they got their senses back.  
"Yeah… I don't know who's but yeah!" Mer sighed  
"McDreamys?" Cristina dared to ask.  
"Don't know, possible.. Even if he said it wasn't" Mer groaned and she rubbed her eyes to help holding back the tears.

Two tables away, Addison sighed deeply. That Mer and her friends didn't know she heard them, was lucky for her, she bit her lip as Callie sat down in front of her.  
"Hey" She greeted dryly  
"What?" Callie looked at her.  
"I was listening to, the fab five.. Or well they are three now but.. " Addie played with her fingers.  
"Ohh, well.. How's the lil'one?"  
"She's fine, I think.. I'm having Bailey up later." She mumbled quietly.  
"Good, I think.. 9 is it now right?" Callie stroke a wisp of hair from her face as Addie nodded slowly.  
"That's so cool" Callies response was shocking and she opened her mouth just as their pagers went off.  
"911" They mumbled with one mouth as the left their trays and ran away.

Mer sighed as she headed to the elevators, she was going home alone for the first time in weeks.  
She always had Derek on her side, her friends actually started to call him her right hand, her left hand, her brain, her head, her baby.. Well, probably everything she couldn't be without.  
She starred at the doors as they slowly opened, her eyes almost shut and she yawned as Alex came up behind her.  
"I'll drive, you're tired" He demanded.  
She nodded, or it was barely a nod as she clapped a little in her face just to stay awake.  
In the car, she shut her eyes and a second later Alex easily shook her.  
"Mer, we're home…" He whispered.  
She groaned silently as she opened her eyes, and slowly walked out of the car.  
Alex grabbed her around her waist quickly and supported her all the way inside, and up to her bed.  
He pulled her on the bed and she lay down and closed her eyes before she fell asleep.

Derek sat in his office, calling Mer every five seconds but every time he got the voicemail.  
Is it off, or is she on the phone? His mind wandered around in every corner. She could be talking to either Finn or Cristina, or it had an empty battery. He sighed as he rose and grabbed his jacket.  
He had operated on the 2 year old girl, she had survived and he felt really good. The surgery had been way more easy than he thought and he smiled as he thought of the baby Mer was carrying, their baby. They would have the prettiest two year old ever, the prettiest baby ever. He smiled for himself as he passed by Richard.  
"What's with the grin?" Richard blinked  
"I was just thinking of how pretty Mine and Mers baby are going to be" He smiled back and put a hand up. "Night Richard, I'm going home to my trailer, alone.. " He sighed then.  
"Not to Meredith?" Richard asked moody.  
"No, I don't think so, She doesn't answer when I call so, she's probably busy" He mumbled  
"oh.." Richards answer was quick and sly.  
"Well Night Richard, See you tomorrow"

Derek drove by Mers house, it was lights on in every room except hers, he sighed as he kept driving.  
"The trailer will do me good" he mumbled to himself, not knowing Mer slept horrible, she turned and woke up, from time to time wanting him to come. He didn't hear the message coming to his phone as he turned the music up on loudest in the car.  
**Derek, I want you here. Please! I Sleep so bad without you Love Mer. **  
As he arrived to the trailer he pulled his phone down in his trunk and threw it inside before he threw himself on the bed and fell asleep, into a restless, dreamful sleep.

Mer sat on her bed, waiting for an answer as she couldn't go back to sleep.  
She sighed as he didn't answer and sneaked downstairs and took the car keys and snuck out.  
She drove over to Dereks trailer, and walked to the door knocking silently as she smiled.  
Derek sat up as he heard a noise and he groaned to himself.  
"It's open…" He screamed as the door opened and he saw the contours of a girl, who closed the door and walked up and lay down beside him.  
"I missed you Derek" Mer whispered as she kissed him and cuddled up his chest, in a position where they both fell asleep.

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**As i said, major fluff and cosy and yeah, filling out. Reviews are love! ;)**

_**Preview Chap. 7**_

  
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_Mers back ached as her eyes fluttered open. She was in the trailer, snuggling up on Derek's chest and she had absolutely no idea how she had got there and when. _  
_She groaned silently as she sat up, and realised Derek was awake._  
_"hey" She mumbled sleepy._  
_"Morning cutie, you overslept so, i called Bailey and you start in two hours" He smiled quickly as he kissed her forehead. _  
_"Oh..." Mer sighed, "Was she mad?" _  
_"No, she understood.. I said it was the pregnancything.. Which is a pretty okay lie sometimes" Derek huffed happily._  
_Mer shook her head, and kissed him. _  
_"A walk in the forrest?" She rolled hear head back, stretcing every muscle as she lay one hand as a saftey on her belly. _

her eyes fluttered open. She was in the trailer, snuggling up on Derek's chest and she had absolutely no idea how she had got there and when.


	7. There's an angel of death

**A/N: Sorry for the time, had to update the other fic..**

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Mers back ached as her eyes fluttered open. She was in the trailer, snuggling up on Derek's chest and she had absolutely no idea how she had got there and when.  
She groaned silently as she sat up, and realized Derek was awake.  
"hey" She mumbled sleepy.  
"Morning cutie, you overslept so, i called Bailey and you start in two hours" He smiled quickly as he kissed her forehead.  
"Oh..." Mer sighed, "Was she mad?"  
"No, she understood.. I said it was the pregnancy thing.. Which is a pretty okay lie sometimes" Derek huffed happily.  
Mer shook her head, and kissed him.  
"A walk in the forest?" She rolled hear head back, stretching every muscle as she lay one hand as a safety on her belly.

"That baby bump is so cute" Derek smiled as they walked out of the trailer and out. Derek lead her away from the land, far away knowing she couldn't see the constructors.  
"I want to be on the land" She made a puppyface at him.  
"It's so yucky. I was out there yesterday, and my shoe got stuck.." Derek lied quickly.  
Mer scoffed at him, and raised her eyebrows.  
"Why are you keeping me away from the land?" She smiled briefly.  
"I Am not!" Derek kissed her lightly on her forehead. "We need to head out now, so we don't get late"  
Mer pulled her hair in her hand and made it a ponytail before she followed Derek back to the trailer.  
He helped her into the SUV and closed the door, quickly heading to the driver seat and put the key into the ignition. He bent over and kissed her lips before he started the car and pulled the reverse.

As they arrived to the hospital, they had a good 20 minutes before their shifts started. Mer smiled as she followed Derek to his office.  
"You need this" He smiled easily handing her something shiny.  
Mer froze as she looked at him in shock.  
"What is that?" She choked  
"The key to my office…. " Derek mumbled.  
"oh, crap.. Sorry, I thought it was a ring.. You freaked me out there!" She mumbled as she saw Dereks eyes shut at her words. He tried to not let her see the tears building up in his eyes, realizing she didn't want to get married, nor even get engaged.  
"Der.. " She mumbled as she put her hands around his neck.  
"Yeah…" He hesitated.  
"I Love You" The words came out quicker than she had wanted and she saw Dereks eyes glistering as she kissed him softly, longing for him before she grabbed the key and walked away.  
"Derek.. Thanks for the key" She said as she stopped in front of the door.  
Derek followed her before she knew it and put a kiss on her head.  
"Mer.. I Love You to, and you need a place to rest that's not an on-call room." He whispered into her ear as they walked out together, Derek with one arm around her waist and his hand resting on her hip and she with a hand on her belly and one over Dereks hand on her hip.  
"So, there's the happy couple" Bailey groaned as she saw them. "Glad you joined us Grey"  
"Sorry for this morning Bailey, it was… new" Mer mumbled. Derek still holding her tight to her.  
"You're with him today, since you both got in now" Bailey smiled as she rolled her eyes. "And when you're done with his surgeries and post-ops you're going home.. I can't have you off mornings more days.. "  
Mer shook her head. "Okay.. thanks" She smiled as she looked at Derek. "I need to change. Okay?"  
She headed down to the locker room as she smiled to herself.  
_Damn hormones, I don't like bright and shiny all days.. _She thought to herself as she opened the door. She met a pair of staring eyes, belonging to Cristina.  
"What?" She mumbled silently.  
"You missed out on THE best thing ever.. Guy who swallowed doll heads."  
"Doll heads?" Mer scoffed, "I had Derek, that's better.." She blinked  
"Yeah, I know. Cuddled up in bed and do all sappy things"  
"Nah more, morning sickness and a walk, but he's hiding something.."  
"He is?"  
"Yeah, something at the land, he refuses to take me there…" Mer groaned  
Cristina stretched her neck, rolling her head around.  
"So?" She breathed heavily, trying not to talk.  
"You know it too" Mer groaned.  
"No, I don't… Just saying, if he is. Let him be right?"  
"What do you know?"  
"Burke is planning to propose to me.."  
"WHAT?" Mer yelled at her  
"yeah, not so much fun though, he's hiding something to.. "  
"Hiding what?"  
"I don't know, something with his arm.."  
Mers eyes widened, and she sighed..  
"If there's something wrong, it'll break Derek.. I hope it's not… I need him" She mumbled.  
Cristina sighed.. "Yeah, so do I"  
The second after the door was flung opened and Izzie barged in red in her face.  
"I HATE CALLIE" She groaned  
"And, Izzie is the winner for the most unexpected sentence of the year" Cristina cheered  
Mer turned to her.  
"Why?"  
"Cause she's stupid, and just stupid.."  
"Iz, that's no good reason"  
"Well.. I still think so, and she's mean…"  
Cristina scoffed at Izzie as she closed her locker and turned around.  
"she's nothing to mess with, she can break your bones Iz.." She said as she walked out.  
Mer nodded in agreement as she rose up, slightly winching in dizziness as she stood up a bit too quick.  
She grabbed Izzies shoulder as she regained her balance and made the room stop spinning.  
"You Okay?" Izzie gasped, the concern spreading over her face.  
"I'm fine" Mer smiled. "Got to get to work.." She smiled as she jumped out of the locker room and headed to Dereks office and rounding the last corner she bumped into George and they both fell backwards George to the ground as Mer found her stability and only took a step backwards to regain her balance.  
"Sorry, I should had watched my step" She mumbled as she helped George stand up.  
"So should I" He mumbled as he nodded and walked away.  
Mer looked after him, before she walked the remaining hall to Dereks office.  
She knocked on the door, as she took a deep breath and opened the door a bit.  
Derek waved to her to go in and she smiled at him as she closed the door behind her.  
"You look happy" He claimed  
"So do you" She smiled back at him as she walked to his desk and bent over and kissed him.  
"Ah, yeah.. I have you" He mumbled as they came out of the kiss.  
She shook her head.  
"Work, I want to go home soon" She watched Derek as he stood up and pulled a hand through his wavy black hair, his blue eyes lightning up the room for her as she took a deep breath.  
"Okay, we have a surgery in an hour, pre-op" He ordered her as they walked out of his office hand in hand.

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**A/N: I love when you review, it makes me keep writing, im so sappy. hahah !  
**

_chapter 8. Preview  
_

_As Derek reached the family, he noticed Addie heading towards them at the same time. He froze as he saw her and he made a turn towards her._  
_ "Addie, what?" He asked silently._  
_ "Their daughter Alyssa died.. " She mumbled, "She was 7.."_  
_ Derek froze and looked at Addie.._  
_ "Alyssa? Like in Amanda's twin sister?"_


	8. I'm all alone

**A/N: Ehm so, here we start what will be the 'happening' in the next chapters til.. ehm.. the baby is born? it'll take a while, i havn't decided yet and im focusing a lot on school, so it'll be pretty irregualr updates okay? fine, R&R! :D  
**

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"Derek.. " She mumbled as she scrubbed out, slowly one arm at a time.  
"I'm sorry Mer, I wish.. " He mumbled as he put his hands over her shoulders gently rubbing them.  
They had been in surgery for 7 hours, and Mer felt her back slightly aching and Dereks soft touch made her relax so much.  
"Ah, Derek don't stop" She moaned quietly, as his touch loosened.  
"You get more in bed at home.. Cause that's where were going now!" He smiled at her as he held the door open, and shot a last look at the now dead girl at the table. 7 years old, and dead. He sighed to himself.  
"Go change, I'll talk to her.. parents" He mumbled to Mer as he headed in the opposite direction.  
"I want to come with you.." She said as she looked after him.. "But I couldn't, apparently" She said to herself in a monosyllabic tone.

As Derek reached the family, he noticed Addie heading towards them at the same time. He froze as he saw her and he made a turn towards her.  
"Addie, what?" He asked silently.  
"Their daughter Alyssa died.. " She mumbled, "She was 7.."  
Derek froze and looked at Addie..  
"Alyssa? Like in Amanda's twin sister?"  
Addison looked up…  
"Yeah.." She mumbled as she quickly wiped away a tear form her face and she sighed deeply.  
She reached out a hand for Derek, who grabbed it, unaware that Meredith watched their every move.  
Derek cleared his throat as they reached the family, Amanda's and Alyssa's parents, their older brother and their baby sister and he opened his mouth.  
"We opened Amanda, and it worked out well… It took us seven hours to clip the aneurysm but.. When we were done she crashed. We couldn't bring her back.." He looked down. "I'm so sorry, we did EVERYTHING we could"  
Addison pulled her hand through her hair.  
"I had Alyssa in her bed, she crashed just 40 minutes ago, we did everything we could but, she didn't get back. We think her heart didn't take the pressure from 's surgery this morning. I'm so sorry"  
The mother looked at them as she nodded.  
"I know, you did everything you could… They were to sick" She mumbled as Derek and Addison excused themselves. As they rounded the corner, out of sight for the family Addison broke down, she cried and Derek softly pulled her into a hug.  
"It's okay.. You couldn't do anything" He whispered as he caressed her back slowly.  
Meredith stared at them from distance, not figuring out whether to cry or laugh. She sat down on a bench, feeling her anger raise before she took a deep breath.  
"Not tonight" She mumbled to herself as she rounded Derek and Addie and walked out to her car.  
Luckily she had her own car and she drove home, singing to the radio as she speeded through the road. She parked on her driveway, noticing the house was dark, she took a look at her watch noticing it was only 8 PM and she started to wonder why it was dark. The door in was open, and she looked around as she locked it behind her.  
"Hello?" She had a sudden feeling, that something wasn't right.. She didn't know what though.  
Alex moved as he heard a voice.  
"MER?" He screamed from upstairs…  
She ran up the stairs and found Alex sitting in Izzies room.  
"What?" She mumbled.. Confusion spread over the room.  
"I don't know.. The house was empty when I got home, I don't.. Izzie and George are gone" He mumbled..  
"what?" She said before she bit her lower lip, wondering where they had gone.  
"Iz doesn't answer her phone… And, George left a note about him having a alcoholic crisis.. They're fine.. Probably" Alex rambled.  
"Yeah, we should sleep.." She smiled as she walked to her own room, turning her cellphone off as she noticed a missed call, from Derek. She sighed and put it on her desk, laying down on the bed feeling the exhaustion fill her body and she crawled together to a ball and fell into sleep.

Derek drove to Mers house, noticing her car on the driveway and the house was lit up, except for her room. He sighed as he turned his car around, and drove up to the ferry dock.  
While he waited for the ferry over to the land he thought about the evening.  
_ They had been in the OR, Mer had even helped clipping the aneurysm and it had gone smooth, until the last part. It had taken him 2 hours to find what was causing the seizures, a small cloth in the brain. It was tiny, tiny and he had been so happy and so had Mer, he knew her hormones was trouble as it was a child on the table, the pregnancy made her freak out jus for anything as it involved a kid, even though she was only 10 weeks along._ He sighed, the girl had crashed just like that and he hadn't been able to restart her heart. He had seen the look in Mers eyes as he called time of death, and she had ran out of the OR, him following as soon as he realized she was crying.  
The time they had spent in the scrub room, it had taken almost 20 minutes for her to calm down.  
He had kissed her and wiped away her tears slowly helped her adjust to the fact that it was nothing they could have done. He had convinced her, she was amazing, and that it had been predicted, even though he knew it was just her maternal instincts. Knowing she was worried this one day was them, and their daughter or son on the table that someone couldn't save.  
He breathed heavily as he drove up the ferry, and he sat in his car the entire ride, thinking of what had made Mer leave without him.  
He had hugged Addie, but she hadn't seen that. Had she? He knew she would be affected by that, since she didn't know Mark was the father of Addie's baby. He sighed as he picked up his phone, one last time calling her cell just to end up at voicemail. He sighed and threw his phone across the car, sighing deeply before driving up the dock and heading to the trailer.  
He smiled as he reached it, and noticed the note on the door.  
**Walkthrough tomorrow, 6 pm.. /Anthony**  
He took the note, and put it on the table, as he took of his clothes ad laid down in the bed, slowly falling asleep.

Meredith woke up by her alarm, it was 5.50 am and she yawned as she stepped out of bed.  
"Alex" She yelled down the hall, as she headed down to the kitchen making herself a cup of decaf coffee. She sighed as she tasted the watery gosh, and took another sip.  
She walked to her car, only 10 minutes later and drove slowly to the hospital.  
She didn't want to see Derek, she didn't want to yell at him.  
She sighed deeply as she noticed his car already on the parking lot, and she took a deep breath, knowing she had to.

She arrived to Dereks office, changed and done for rounds just 20 minutes before it started, knowing she needed those good 20 minutes.  
"You" She groaned as she entered Dereks office, finding him doing nothing.  
"What?" He sighed deeply.  
"I saw you, Addison.. SERIOUSLY?" She raised her voice.  
"I'm sorry" He sighed.. Exhaustion was a fact as he hadn't slept more than 4 hours.  
"yeah.. RIGHT?" You couldn't even come home.."  
"I went home.." He mumbled awkwardly.  
"No, Home is at me.. And I'm sure you kissed Addison, telling her how much you love her baby.." Mer hissed.  
"It's not mine" Derek said calmly.  
"Sure.. And I'm Gandhi, I saw you yesterday.."  
Derek sighed.. He wasn't in the mood for arguing.  
"I can't.." He mumbled, as he dug up a bunch of papers.  
"You can't what?" Mer was suddenly calm.  
"Argue" He said.. "Please, leave my office , I have work to do"  
Mers eyes widened.. "What?"  
"LEAVE " He screamed at her.. Realizing a second to late he had brought her to tears. She stormed out running down the hall and down into a supply closet where she sat down, crying until she had no tears left.  
Derek sat in his office, pulling his hands through his hair, time after time as Bailey stormed in.  
"Where's your pregnant Girlfriend?" She hummed angrily.  
" No idea, I think we broke up, she ran out anyway…" He snapped.  
"Good job Shepherd, 10 weeks into her pregnancy, and you break up.. " Bailey groaned..  
"Good Luck" She wished him before she turned her back to him and walked out.  
Derek looked after her as he sighed.

Mer sat in a closet, she felt the tears streaming down her face, and her biggest want now was Dereks soft chest, his calm even breath and his heart beating beside her ear.  
She stood up and opened the door, heading towards Dereks office with his key held in her hand.  
As she reached the door she hesitated, not knowing if he wanted her or not, she was only 10 weeks, she could make an abortion, her mind spun as she put the key in the lock and opened and glanced in to the room.  
"Hey… " She mumbled to Derek, who was bent down over a pile of paperwork.  
"Mer…" He sighed.. "I'm sorry, but.. "  
"I just came to give you this" She handed him the key, slowly turning to the door as she heard the chair scratch on the floor and then she felt Dereks arms around her waist, pulling her back to his chest.  
"Mer… I'm sorry.. But I think we need to take some space.. or something" He mumbled turning her around in his firm grip.  
"D-D-De-Derek?" She stuttered.  
"I Love You, and our baby.. Okay?" He whispered in her ear.  
"Okay…." Mers voice broke, she felt Dereks grip loosen around her and she feel into a sobbing mess on the floor, causing Derek to bend down and grab her waist, kissing her forehead.  
"Calm down. Okay? We'll get through this" He smiled at her as she looked into his piercing blue eyes.  
Neither Derek nor Meredith knew, that this was the start of what could cause both of their lives to be messed up, falling apart and tearing them apart.

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**A/N: I love when you review, it makes me keep writing, im so sappy. hahah !  
**

_chapter 9. Preview  
_

_Mer looked down on the floor. She didn't realize she was standing in blood.  
Blood she didn't knew where it came from.  
She searched the floor, looking at everything to find the cause of the bleeding, but she couldn't find it.  
There was no one in the room except her, and she froze...  
_


	9. There's no reason

**A/N: I'm sick, tired and, this is .. funny? i don't know. read and review!  
**

* * *

Mer ran out of the cafeteria, through the halls with everyone looking after her, long looks staring at her as she ran, hurting with her, scoffing at her behavior.  
She had run, she had yelled at him loud, in front of everyone. And she had run away, out from the cafeteria, away from everyone's eyes, away from him, even though she wanted him there so badly.  
They had fought, again… Second time in three days, they had made up from their 'space' and they had fought again, and made up and now, they had fought again and she sighed as she stopped and stepped into the exam room.  
She had seen the shock in his eyes as she had yelled, she had noticed Addisons open mouth and a small gasp, she had heard Mark whispering _Oh my god_ and she had seen bailey letting Derek go without following her.  
She stopped as she felt dizzy, just standing on the floor in the exam room, facing the wall away from the door. She breathed heavily as she calmed down.

Suddenly Mer looked down on the floor. She didn't realize she was standing in blood.  
Blood she didn't knew where it came from.  
She searched the floor, looking at everything to find the cause of the bleeding, but she couldn't find it.  
There was no one in the room except her, and she froze...  
She starred at the bottom of her scrubs, they were clean, and the rest of her body was to. She wasn't the source.  
She heard the door open and a sudden gasp behind her as she turned around, noticing Dereks face, in a big amount of shock.  
"Mer, are you okay?" His voice was raspy, his eyes had stopped glowing as they always did.  
"Yeah, I am… And so is your child" She mumbled back as Derek stared at her.  
"Where's all the blood comi.." Derek swallowed.  
"No idea, It's not from me.. " She growled.  
"Mer.. "  
"Derek, just say it.. You don't want to have my crappy babies.. You've been avoiding me all week, and we're always fighting, and you can't be okay with me anyway.. " She glared at him, thinking of the earlier moment in the week, their last fight before today.

_"Mer…" Derek ran through the hall, their fight from a few days ago was still a buzz in the air but they got along, and they took steps. He smiled at her, his heart beating harder and he breathed in her scent as he reached to her.  
"My mom, she's… ah.. Our baby's going to have Alzheimer's.. And you've avoided me all day" She had groaned, causing Derek to jump back.  
"What?"  
"Yeah, my mom ahs that.. which you know, and I will get it.. and then our baby will" She mumbled, as Derek looked at his watch. "And you are always, running around.. Never time for me"  
"I got to.. run doing work" he grinned.  
"Derek, stop the lame excuses about work… Talk to me.." Mer claimed.  
"I have to.. work, we can't eat dinner tonight.." He said before he ran away, leaving Meredith in confusion on her own in the middle of the hall with a smile on her lips.  
_  
"No, I'm not.. I don't know.. Were you serious?" Derek looked at her, stared into her green eyes.  
"I don't know Derek.."  
Meredith looked at Derek, "Earth to Derek?"  
He shook his head slightly, as he smiled dryly at her and taking his thumb to lift her face to meet his making her shiver.  
"I want all of your crappy babies.. Okay?" He smiled shortly at her.  
"Ohh…" she mumbled.  
"That's fine but Derek, I don't know what I want right now.. "Mer smiled harshly as she noticed Cristina further down the hall.  
Dereks eyes widened..  
"So we're over?" He snapped, his mood had flipped in a second.  
"yeah.. Cause, you haven't precisely shown that you care.." Mer Scoffed as she turned around and walked to Cristina.

Cristina stared at her..  
"You made up?" She mumbled rising her eyebrows..  
"No, I.. I don't know.. I don't think I want to have him in my house.. Or I do.. But I don't like the fighting." Mer sighed deeply.  
Cristina nodded to her.. "You're smart, you'll figure it out without him.. "  
Mer nodded slightly unsecure..  
"I'm going home in an hour, what about you?"  
"I'm off now.." Cristina mumbled, "I'm heading to Burke, I think.. "  
Mer shook her head…  
"I have charts to do.. " She smiled before she turned around.

Derek walked up the porch on Mers house, he had a trunk with him that he carried as he unlocked the door. He sighed deeply as he walked up the stairs and started to fill the trunk with his clothes and stuff he needed. He couldn't stay here, he wanted to, but he couldn't. They wouldn't fix this, he sighed deeply, hurrying to pack so he didn't need to meet Meredith at all again that night.  
Unfortunately just as he was heading down the stairs, Mer opened the door with swollen cheeks and red eyes. Derek felt his heart ache, wanting to run over and hug her but she saw him and looked down, as she walked to the kitchen. He hesitated briefly for a few seconds before he let go of the bag right down on the floor and walked out to the kitchen, finding Mer in a sobbing mess just standing, staring out of the window not present of the room around her or anyone entering or leaving.  
Derek stopped behind her.  
"Mer…" He whispered and pulled his arms around her, and turning her around into his arms.  
Pulling her into a gentle hug and easily wiping away the tears escaping her eyes.  
"Don't leave" She sobbed into his chest, her voice was low and hard to hear.  
"I won't" Derek promised as he kissed the top of her head. "And now you are going to lie in bed" He mumbled, as he helped her up the stairs.  
"I'm coming with something to eat" He smiled at her as he walked down to the kitchen, quickly scanning the fridge and picking out ingredients for pancakes.

Ten minutes later Mer could smell the fantastic scent of pancakes, and she smiled when the door slowly opened and Derek entered with pancakes and a can of syrup, and a huge grin on his face.  
"We're alone?" He giggled slightly as Mer nodded.  
"Dirty minded Derek" She scoffed… "Maybe.." Her eyes were sparkling and there were no signs left from the devastated Mer Derek had found before.  
"Well.. It's been a while" He mumbled into her ear, nibbling her earlobe easily.  
"ohh, Derek" Mer moaned while she pulled him closer. "I want to eat" She giggled.  
Derek scoffed and pulled a piece of a pancake and out it into Mers mouth..  
"Happy?" He blinked as Mer giggled.  
"Im hungry, really Derek.. Give me a minute to eat this delicious things" She mumbled with her mouth already full with pancake.  
Mer suddenly felt a soft touch, pulling her sweater over her head, and she felt Derek kissing her collarbone and down over her breasts, stomach and down to her pants.  
She moaned as he kissed her belly button and stroke over the small bump she had.  
He quickly pulled of his own sweater, as he kept kissing her, moving back up to her collarbone and up her jaw line. She kissed his neck, down his bare chest, moaning slowly as he nibbled her ear again. She undid his pants, slowly pulling them down, letting him kick them off, before she softly caressed his member on the outside of his boxers, making him groan in pleasure.  
"Mer.." He smiled at her as he pulled down her pants and panties in one quick move, placing his finger on her now wet clit, gently caressing it making her moan.  
She looked at him as she pulled down his boxers, and moving down, licking the tip of his cock, making it stiffen even more under her tongues swirling.  
He let her take the entire cock into her mouth, before she let go and let him go down and take his fingers slowly thrusting into her, as he tasted her.  
He kissed her lips slowly, letting her taste herself as her legs parted, letting him thrust into her, starting slowly pulling in and out increasing in speed until her climax was built up totally.  
"OHHH, Derekkk" She moaned loudly.. "NOW" she screamed making him thrust into her as deep as he could feeling her alls collapse around him, groaning in pleasure. Their cum mixing up, making them both soaked by eachother.  
As he pulled himself out of her and laid down beside her.  
"Oh my.." She mumbled, looking at him..  
"Mer.. I Love You" Derek rolled over, pulling her into his arms kissing her nose, each of her cheeks massaging her nipples.  
She looked at him, "I Love You too" She mumbled, as she moved closer to his bare chest closing her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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**A/N: I love when you review, it makes me keep writing, im so sappy. hahah !  
**

_chapter 10. Preview__  
_  
_ Mer looked at him and sighed, before she ran to the bathroom leaning over the toilet letting her stomach empty itself for the first time in a week. _  
_ She heard steps behind her, and Dereks knees reaching the floor. _  
_ "You Okay?" He asked her as he held her hair away when she threw up nothing but gall. _  
_ He gently rubbed her back as she leaned back to his chest taking a deep breath._  
_ "No, but it's okay.. We're soon done with the morning sickness lil'buddy, right?" She mumbled and put a hand on her stomach._


	10. Let the angels commit

**A/N: I'm sick, like i'm not even going to school. well yeah! sorry, had a great writers block.. sigh.. Read and review  
**

* * *

Mer smiled at Derek as she opened her eyes, looking at his bare chest and remembering the night.  
"Derek" She whispered as he opened his eyes.  
"yes?" He groaned, quietly muttering something to himself.  
"I love you" She mumbled as she placed a soft kiss on his nose.  
"mhm" He groaned as he turned to look at the clock, the red numbers showing 6.00  
"I don't need to get up until, 9." He groaned..  
Mer looked at him and sighed, before she ran to the bathroom leaning over the toilet letting her stomach empty itself for the first time in a week.  
She heard steps behind her, and Dereks knees reaching the floor.  
"You Okay?" He asked her as he held her hair away when she threw up nothing but gall.  
He gently rubbed her back as she leaned back to his chest taking a deep breath.  
"No, but it's okay.. We're soon done with the morning sickness lil'buddy, right?" She mumbled and put a hand on her stomach.  
"Mer, when did you last have morning sickness?" Derek looked at her with his eyes wide open.  
"Like a week ago, its trapping down" She whispered.  
"ohh" Derek sighed, kissing the top of her head before he helped her up and to the sink to clean her mouth.  
She sighed deeply as she turned around, looking into the gaze of Dereks blue eyes, feeling her skin shivering making her lean over and kiss him hard on his lips, slowly letting him explore her mouth with his tongue.  
As they let eachother out, Mer glanced at her watch and she sighed.  
"CRAP, I'm late" She mumbled running around in the bedroom finding clothes and gathering everything she needed.  
As she pulled her car out on the driveway she relaxed, thinking of the long day ahead of her remembering herself to breath in and out. She thought of the next ultrasound, in two weeks and she thought of if Derek and her would be together then, all the fights the past weeks had put their marks and she decided that she was going to put her foot down soon. This wasn't good for neither the baby nor herself, all the stress, the crying, the making up and the fear she felt for raising a child on her own.  
She barely remembered pulling up at the parking lot, nor stepping out of the car and into the locker room until she bumped in to Izzie.  
"Mer? MER?" Izzies voice cut her thoughts and her head shot up and she shook it lightly.  
"What?" She snapped..  
"oh, you just bumped into me, like you were in another world" Izzie mumbled, backing off.  
"Sorry" Mer mumbled as she changed her clothes, putting everything in the bag she had, making a mental note talking to Derek about maybe have the stuff in his office.  
Cristina suddenly crashed into the room, her face as red as a tomato, No joke.  
"You ate to much ketchup?" Mer joked lightly, Izzie giggling in the background.  
Cristinas face turned if possible even redder, and she gave Mer an angry gaze.  
"No" She snapped, making the four other interns laugh til they didn't catch their breath.  
As they all calmed down, Cristina standing in a corner sending Mer angry looks every five seconds Bailey opened the door.  
"Good Morning happy people" She smiled.  
"Did she smile?" Izzie leaned over to Mer, whispering into her ear.  
Mer shrugged, focusing on Bailey as she waited for their assignments.  
"Yang – Pit, O'malley – Clinic, Karev – Montgomery, Stevens – Burke, Grey – Stay here" Bailey ordered quickly before nodding at Mer. "GO, GO , GOOO" She raised her voice making the group bounce out of the room. They heard Cristinas deep sighs, and George's, "gah" as they left.  
"So.. We need to make a schedule for you" Bailey smiled.. "No nights, no on calls, You're going to work weekends, but no 48 hour shifts. And Does the chief know?" Bailey talked about everything as fast as she could.  
"Okay, Okay.. Yeah" Mer smiled..  
"Good, then.. You're with your boyfriend, again and me since we're on the same case" Bailey blinked. "Male, 25 years, fell down the stairs with a nail gun in his hand. Three nails in the head, liver and spleen injured and a few cracked ribs" Mer mumbled as she stood in front of the patient.  
"Jorge, how are you feeling?" Derek asked him as he stood watching the films of his head they had got with a quick x-ray.  
"Fine, but.. My vision is blurry" Jorge mumbled back.  
"That's possible it's a cause from the bleeding, we'll take out the nails and then we'll go in and stop the bleeds, okay? And bailey will fix your Liver and spleen" Derek smiled as he looked at Mer.  
"Prep him, we're doing this in 30 min's, You're scrubbing in" Derek looked at Bailey who nodded in agreement.

As they closed Jorge up, and looked at the tumor they found and dissected Mer smiled at Der. Bailey had saved the entire spleen and just had to cut out a piece of the liver. Mer smiled slightly, thinking of the opportunity they given this man, by this surgery and she felt happy. For the first time in a long time she was able to smile, without forcing it, just as her phone rang.  
"Dr. Grey" She mumbled into the speaker..  
_"Meredith, this is Mrs. Henry, from your mothers nursing home.." _She perceived through her ear.  
"Yeah? Is my mother okay?" Meredith sighed  
_"You need to come down here, she is.. lucid" _Mrs. Henry hesitated just before she heard a click in the phone and the tone after someone who hung up on you.

Mer drove slowly through Seattle to the nursing home, her mother lucid wasn't an experience she wanted. She turned the last left turn, parking outside the facility and headed inside the building.  
"Meredith, we thought she should hear it from you" Mrs. Henry greeted her.  
"My mom doesn't know?" Mer asked quickly, as they both headed to Ellis's room.  
Mer knocked on the door, and her mother peeked out with a smile.  
"Meredith" She smiled and hugged her.  
"Mom" She nodded.  
"Mer, I'm so sorry, what happened to me? Was in a coma? Case I can't remember anything from the past 5 months when you went to Europe, and… if you don't want to go to Med. School.. It's okay" Ellis rambled.  
"Mom, I went to Europe, Five years ago… I went to Med. School and I'm an intern now." She mumbled realizing her mom staring at her.  
"But..?" Ellis eyes widened..  
"Mom You got Alzheimers…" Mer sighed.  
Mer felt her mother, collapsing in her arms and she looked at her,  
"Mom? MOM? SOMEBODY CALL 911" She yelled out from the room.

She sat beside her mom in the ambulance, watching every breath, listening to every heartbeat.  
As they rolled in through the ER her mom looked at her.  
"This is Seattle Grace?"  
"Yeah, this is where I do my internship" Mer smiled..  
"Does Richard still work here?"  
"Yeah, he's the chief of surgery.." Mer smiled as she saw Derek arrive through the doors, she ran towards him and threw herself in his arms and kissed him softly on his lips.  
"Hey.." She whispered, "My mom is here… Lucid" She sighed silently  
"Really? She knows about… " He looked at her and put a hand on her slightly swollen belly.  
"No, I'm telling her later.. She's going to be pissed" She groaned as she took Dereks hand and lead him to Ellis's bed.  
"Mom, this is my boyfriend, Derek Shepherd" She smiled at her. "He's an awesome neurosurgeon, and I'm going to follow in his footsteps.."  
Her mother glanced at Derek, looking at him up and down.  
"Nice to meet you.." She smiled slightly  
"It's an honor to meet you … You are amazing" Derek greeted.  
"Thank you.. I assume that you can't be that bad either, my daughter never lies" She smiled..  
Mers eyes went wide as she heard her mother's words.  
"well… He is a god mom.. He is amazing, one of the 20 best neurosurgeons in the world" Mer smiled.. "And he's going to be an amazing father for your first grandchild" Mer smiled as Derek put his arm around her waist and kissed her lightly on the forehead.  
Ellis eyes went wide open at Meredith's word and she gasped loudly.

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**A/N: I love when you review, it makes me keep writing, im so sappy. hahah !  
**

_chapter 11. Preview__  
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_"You're pregnant Meredith?" Ellis looked at her from behind her bed.  
"Yes mom.." Mer groaned from the chair she had placed herself in.  
They had been put in a private room and now they had the conversation mer never thought she would have.  
"Meredith, You are an intern.. how are you going to do this?" Ellis scoffed at her daughter, causing Meredith to roll her eyes. _


	11. Let's give us a moment

**A/N: I'm sorry, i had a writersblock or whatever.. This chap, little shorter and little boring blame the SP, which made me sleep, 3 hours ! haha, the y-day (and same day i watched the SP) was my b-day! yey, im 17 now, feels. old? nah, but still.. missed a little MD in the premiere but i LOVED their & thing.. and derek.. hell pat is hot.. ENOUGH RAMBLED.. sorry  
**

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_Ellis eyes went wide open at Meredith's word and she gasped loudly._

"You're pregnant Meredith?" Ellis looked at her from behind her bed.  
"Yes mom.." Mer groaned from the chair she had placed herself in.  
They had been put in a private room and now they had the conversation mer never thought she would have.  
"Meredith, You are an intern.. how are you going to do this?" Ellis scoffed at her daughter, causing Meredith to roll her eyes.  
"I have an amazing boyfriend, and tutor.. I'm working extra hours now, and I won't be the ice queen to my child that you were to me.." She said causing Ellis to take a step back in shock.  
"Ice queen?" She scoffed at Meredith.. "I did what I could"  
"Sure mom.. Sure" Mer shook her head just as Derek knocked on the door  
"Hello" He mumbled polite to Ellis before he turned to Meredith.  
She looked at him, her eyes begged him to stay and he walked over to her lifted her up and sat down, putting her in his knee, as she giggled and she kissed him on his nose.  
"You're pretty" He whispered in her ear and she scoffed.  
"So, Derek… What's your plans? Marrying my daughter?" Ellis looked at him, giving him a slight smile.  
"Mom.. I won't get married.." Meredith squealed.  
"Meredith?" Ellis voice was soft. "Of course you will, only chance you're not marrying the love of your life is if he's married to someone else"  
"Mom, no.. I don't want to.. Marriage is nothing I want to do" Mer shook her head looking at her mom who smiled at her.  
"Well it's your choice, but I hope you'll change your mind.. It would be fun to see you walking down that aisle and see that grandchild of mine" Ellis smiled and Meredith wondered slightly to herself what drugs her mom could be on.  
"I'm not on anything Meredith.. It just would." Ellis nodded before both Meredith and Derek rose.  
"Mom, we have to work.. As you can see" Mer mumbled as they walked out of the room hand in hand.  
As they rounded the corner, Mer sighed loudly leaning towards Dereks chest, causing him to kiss her lightly on her temple.  
"It's okay Mer.. She's just shocked, everything turned upside down for her today" He whispered into her ear as she breathed heavily, feeling like she was drowning in guilt.  
"If you want to, maybe you can help me with my aneurysm I have in two hours" He mumbled quietly into her ear causing her to jerk her head up and face him with a huge grin.  
"Are you serious?" she giggled..  
"If you keep giggle like that, I love that sound" He smiled and she scoffed lightly.  
"I will, until in two weeks when we're at 15 weeks mark, and maybe we can know what the sex is.. If you want to?" She grinned.  
"I don't know.. What do You want?" Derek asked her slowly.  
"I don't know. It's two weeks , we have time to decide.  
Derek quickly pulled her into a hug and kissed her softly, causing Mer to moan as they turned into his office and the couch.  
"Quickie" she moaned into his ear as she pulled off her scrub top.  
He smiled at her as he untied her pants, and easily pulled both the pants and her panties down and softly started to touch her sensitive spots, knowing exactly where and when he was doing what. She quickly pulled his sweater of and kissed his collarbone and up his jaw line, and moaning as he pulled his fingers into her. She kissed him hard before she pulled down his scrubpants, softly touching him outside his boxers before she pulled them down his legs to, caressing him up and down before she moved him into her, removing his hands. He trusted into her slowly, making her moan..  
"Faster, please" She begged making him trust faster, building her orgasm up slowly.  
She felt her walls collapse around him as he trusted one last time, and she relaxed kissing him softly on his cheek.  
"I love you.." She mumbled into his chest as they curled up beside eachother on his couch.  
Derek looked at Mer giving her a huge smile. "I Love you too" He whispered kissing her temple.

As they headed to the OR two hours later Mer was still smiling. Their quickie had made her amount of daily sex need smaller and she knew she could pull through a 3 hour surgery.  
She slipped in through the door Derek held up for her into the scrub room.  
They quickly scrubbed in, the silence between them was calming, like they knew they wouldn't need to talk. They loved eachother, they had eachother and they wouldn't mention anything weird if they were quiet.  
"You want to help?" Derek asked before they went into the OR, breaking the silence.  
"Help?" Mer asked slightly amused by his question.  
"Well I was thinking assist?" He smirked causing her to giggle. "I love that sound" He whispered.  
"You even bother to ask?" She scoffed at him with a huge grin on her face.  
"Well…" He mumbled as they entered the OR, nodding to the patient, a 25 year old female with a brain aneurysm. Derek was going to clip it and hopefully remove it from the temporal lobe without complications, as it was easy accessed (as for an aneurysm to be easy accessed ) they hoped for no further complications and no damage to anything in the woman's brain.  
"Well, It's a beautiful day to save a life, let's have some fun" Derek cheered a as he started.  
As he opened up, smiling to Mer as he asked for the Penfield 4 to shit it from the arteries nodding to her. As he got the instrument, he quickly handed it to Mer,  
", put the Penfield under the aneurysm, carefully so you don't rupture it and then put a clamp under the artery that it's attached to." He guided her.  
Mer quickly clamped it and handed the tools to the nurse, letting Derek finish the rest with the hugest smile on her face under the mask. Sure she had done much in neuro, and sure she was heading for it as a specialty in the future (not that Derek really knew that she would) but she had never done anything like this before. She let out a happy sigh as Derek smiled and nodded to the nurse.  
"Dr. Watson, would you close?" He asked gracefully, finding it a perk to be a attending and just let the last work of to someone else, being able to just slide in to the OR, do his job and go out having someone else to close up the patient, take him or her out and he could go take a cup of coffee.  
As he reached the scrub room he grabbed Mers hand.  
"You did really good" He smiled, before he kissed her softly.  
"Thanks.." She mumbled as she kissed him back.  
They scrubbed out as the OR emptied in front of their eyes, and Derek sighed.  
"Post-op, then lunch?" He asked.  
"Sure, If you do Post-ops, I get lunch?" She smiled with a happy face and Derek shook his head and laughed.. "Yeah..Sounds great, my office?"  
"Yeah, meet you there soon" Mer smiled as she headed down to the cafeteria to buy them lunch and Derek headed the other way to the family and the patients he had to check on.

Mer sat on the couch as he walked in..  
"Mhm, Lunch is here and.. I want another quickie" She giggled as he sat down beside her.  
"Fine.. But first eat" He agreed.  
"Eat, than quickie" She ordered as she pulled up in his lap, kissing him on the cheek before she turned to her chicken salad.

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**A/N: I love when you review, it makes me keep writing, im so sappy. hahah ! and, i hope next chapter is gonna get fluff cause after that, hell you're gonna hate me!  
**

_chapter 11. Preview__  
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_As Mer leaned back into the chair beside the ultrasound machine she sighed to herself.  
The past two weeks had passed quickly, and they were at 15 weeks and they had yet to decide whether to find out the sex or not.  
For the moment she didn't want to, she wanted a surprise, she didn't want to know if  
she could name her child Frank or Celia, or what name they now would pick out._


	12. We're doing everything, and nothing

**A/N: I feel, well sorry for the delay, but this time a year its a lot and im so into Greys again, i mean 703, i love amelia! just sayin! anyways, cant wait for next week, and here is a new chapter, which kinda is the turn for a while.. you know there alwawys is a pasrt like this in every fic? where everythign turns? well its GOING TO BE BETTER! i promise!  
Don't leave my fic, please!  
**

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As Mer leaned back into the chair beside the ultrasound machine she sighed to herself. The past two weeks had passed quickly, and they were at 15 weeks and they had yet to decide whether to find out the sex or not. For the moment she didn't want to, she wanted a surprise, she didn't want to know if she could name her child Frank or Celia, or what name they now would pick out.  
Derek looked at her, smiling constantly.  
"So, how are we doing?" Addison greeted as she arrived into the room, holding her hand on her belly.  
"Oh, we're fine!" Mer smiled looking at Derek who nodded in agreement..  
"So what did you two decide, sex or not? We're all doctors so if you don't want to know I'll turn the screen away" Addison smiled.  
"Do that, we don't want to know" Mer blinked, causing Addison to frown a second before she focused.  
"Well, the you can see it first and when it comes to that we'll turn away" Addison stated. "But first, scale" She smiled.  
Mer quickly stepped onto the scale noticing she gained 3 pounds.  
"Good, you're gaining good" Addie smiled as she looked at Mer and her bump, that was pretty obvious for a small girl like Meredith.  
Addie quickly pulled the gel on Mers stomach as she leaned back, listening to the muffled heartbeat on the monitor, smiling at Derek as Addie turned the monitor away.  
"Wait…." Mer blurted suddenly..  
Derek and Addison looked at her, both tilting their heads and frowning.  
"I want to know.." She mumbled.. "If that's okay Der?"  
Derek shrugged slightly, kissing her temple. "Completely your choice.. I'll do what you say" he smiled.  
Addie looked at them. "Sure?"  
Meredith smiled at her, "I'm sure.. We are sure"  
Addie shrugged turning the monitor back to Meredith and Dereks face.  
"Can you tell?" Addie smiled.  
Meredith swallowed before she nodded, clutching Dereks hand.  
"A girl" She mumbled in astonishment. They were having a girl, a small copy of her and Derek, a perfect match of the two of them. Something she would never thought she would, be having a baby, and now she was expecting this amazing little girl. She couldn't help with the tears that streamed down her face. Derek wiped them away with his thumb, smiling at her and kissing her from moment to moment.  
"Well, I got to go" Addie smiled. "I have a c-section in a few.. We'll see eachother, in three weeks?" She smiled before she walked out.  
Mer looked at her watch, realizing she had only 40 minutes before she were supposed to be in surgery with . She sighed as she stood up, pulling her scrub-top over her head.

As she reached Dereks office after the surgery, she yawned widely before pulling the door open.  
She saw Derek hunched in his chair, a pile of work in front of him and she had walked over, pulled his head up and kissed his lips, slowly, gently and long.  
"Hey" She whispered.  
"Hey" He mumbled back, gently grabbing her waist pulling her into his embrace.  
She giggled slightly as she fell into his lap and he grabbed her in his arms and carried her over to the sofa, putting her down on it and quickly cuddling up against her side taking her in his lap again.  
He planted a kiss on her lips, before he smiled at her.  
"You are beautiful Mer" He whispered "I love you, so much"  
She cuddled up his chest, pulling a hand through her hair as he talked and when he had finished she leaned even deeper into his chest.  
"I love you to Derek" She stated, a huge smile on her face and her eyes sparkling.  
She cuddled closer to his chest, breathing in the essence of him and his body. She felt his heartbeat under the palm of her hand, his even breaths touch her face, his tangled hair falling perfectly on his head and his eyes sparkle like never before. He amazed her, his ocean-blue eyes, the dept in them, the wisdom they held and the way they sparkled. The smile, his prefect white teeth and his gorgeous lips. His body, the strength and the scent only he had, his slightly browned skin that never faded, his surgical fingers, his perfect stomach with the muscles that made her body shiver when he undressed, his oh so long legs that made her stand on her tiptoes to reach to kiss him and the most amazing of it all, the hair. The one thing making him just that, him, Derek Christopher Shepherd, Neurosurgeon with the creepy perfect hair, as Burke would say.  
Derek watched her smile and he slowly caressed her cheek, her jawline before he moved his thumb up, slowly caressing her lower lip and kissing her nose.  
"What's on your mind?" He mumbled in her ear, his breath making a small puff into her ear causing her to cringe.  
"You…" She smiled, leaning on to his shoulder resting her head.  
He slowly caressed her hair, breathing her scent in before he kissed her temple.  
"I love you" He stated once again softly meeting her green eyes in awe.  
Mer looked at him, she felt her heart thump as she watched him, her everything – the father of her baby, the man she loved, the only man she loved and the only man who loved her, her lover, her boyfriend, her savior, her teacher, her god – and with that last thought passing her mind she cursed herself and promised to not boost his god-complex with that.  
"I love you too" She said loud and clear, no hesitation in her voice. " I couldn't make it without you, that's for sure.. you're my… savior" She whispered to him, and his eyes sparkled for her word, for she was his savior, his everything, his lover, his god.  
Just as she was about to crawl deeper into his chest her pager went off, she silently decided she would go back later.  
She smiled at him as she stood up, looking and meeting his blue gaze "I'll be back"  
He smiled, "I'll be here.." and before she was out of the door he was behind his desk, he looked at the blueprints he had pulled out over the desk to know for he knew that he needed a few changes.  
Even though they were together he had two rooms, one for them each if there would be something happening, the nursery connecting to the bigger room and the smaller on the other side, the room that if they didn't use would be used for as a guest room.

As he heard the door flung open he looked up, pulling papers over the prints and smiling at Merediths oh so tired gaze, her eyes almost shut and her head dropping as she slowly moved towards his sofa where she collapsed. He was on his feet in a second and by her side, hovering as she groaned.  
"My back hurts" She sighed, for she had been standing in the OR for four hours, which Derek had barely noticed cause for him time had flew by and he had been doing work and once in every minute looked at his house, their house and finding pictures in his mind of his family cause that's what they was, a family and he was never going to walk out on her, even though she so often wondered if he was going to leave her and go back to Addison even though she was leaving, or well as so she thought since she had been taking time off and gone to Los Angeles, she had got a job offer and she had talked to Mark, whom had stared at her and wondered if she had gone mad and demanded her to stay cause for him she was his savior and she was carrying his child which for Meredith still was unbelievable and she still thought they were joking and that she was carrying Dereks other child, the half-brother to her own child.  
Derek lifted her scrub-top just enough to see her bump, cause she had popped and her baby bump was finally showing and she was more beautiful than ever, glowing, sparkling, she was bright and she was shiny. Cristina could mock her for that but Derek found her amazing, he could just watch her with a hand resting on her belly, that she were growing their baby in, their lifeline, the one thing that made him to stay, that made his decision to not walk away from her, which had been his thought that day when she told him, the day his life changed forever and he had fell in love with her all over.  
She frowned by his touch, and shook her head at him.  
"Can we go eat?" She asked silently, and he helped her out and down to the cafeteria, where he helped her to a chair and helped her sit. Meredith, who wasn't in a good mood felt anger and she looked at him as he bought her a cup of decaf coffee that she needed rules. A deep sigh escaped her lips, as a groan deep inside of her.  
"Derek, we need rules" She snapped from her tired head.  
He shrugged making her nod.  
"Rules" He declared.  
"No hovering.. " She mumbled, her first rule the most important for she hated the hovering, when he was looking up on her every minute.  
"Hovering?" He asked, cursing himself as he noticed Mers face, turning slightly red and she groaned.  
"you can't do everything, look after me all the time, I need some space, I am not your property, I am a human being, You have failed being the man I thought you were" She raised her voice and she yelled, everything on her mind. There was a flood of words, she screamed at him, in the middle of the cafeteria.  
And Derek looked at her, when she leaned forward and whispered in his ear before she ran away with tears in her eyes. Cause with her word still ringing in his ears he froze, he couldn't follow cause he couldn't move an inch.

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**A/N: I love reviews, and here i know you hate me, but after next chapter i swear 90 % of you probably wont even read the fic, which makes me sad cause everything has a good ending, right?  
Im just sayin, dont stop. this might go on for a while, yeah... i know you ahte me, BUT it will get better, i promise.. I just feel like i need to get something in my life off my chest and this appears to be the way i deal with it.. and sure , you can leave but you will loose a lot! just sayin, your choices though  
**

_chapter 13. Preview__  
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_She had been screaming her face red, telling him he was nothing what she wanted, that he had failed her, and their baby, their 15 weeks old baby, she had told him she didn't want him. And he had just looked blankly at her, she saw how tears built up in his eyes as she had mumbled quietly, only letting him hear, the thing she never thought she would say. I do not want you in my Childs life ever. You're out of it, forever.   
And she had taken off, running from him, from her feelings, from her life, from everything._


	13. Not you, not anyone

**A/N: I'm REALLY sorry for the long delay, i've had some rough time in my life, and i've been hiding while thinking of how to keep you guys while i do this thing i have coming. Well, for the next chapter, im just waiting on mars til i feel safe to come back cause yeah.. and yeah, get papertowles, cause YOU are going to cry, i cried, A LOT!  
and the epi last night? OMG.. kinda amazing!  
**

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She had been screaming her face red, telling him he was nothing what she wanted, that he had failed her, and their baby, their 15 weeks old baby, she had told him she didn't want him. And he had just looked blankly at her, she saw how tears built up in his eyes as she had mumbled quietly, only letting him hear, the thing she never thought she would say. "_I do not want you in my Childs life ever. You're out of it, forever, my child has no father"  
_And she had taken off, running from him, from her feelings, from her life, from everything.  
He knew he should have followed, because this was hormones on overdrive but he couldn't move, he couldn't think and he had just let her go. He felt like he betrayed her, he felt like he was going to blow and he knew, she was to good for him, she would need someone more than him. She could get someone so much better so as he watched her disappear he turned around and walked toward Richards office and knocking as he reached it.  
"Derek" Richard greeted happily as he walked in, cause then he still hadn't heard about the greatest fight in the history in his hospital.  
"Chief.. ehm Richard I need two weeks off, at least. I'm going home, to visit my mom and my sisters" Derek scratched his neck, looking down into the floor.  
"Of course, why don't you leave right now?" Richard greeted him. "Be back in 2 weeks, it'll do you good Derek" He tilted his head watching Dereks position while he turned around and headed out and back to his house, well trailer so he could take the next flight to New York.

Meredith had laid down on the hard bed in her guestroom. Her bed smelled like Derek, she couldn't be there.  
Derek, Derek, Derek, the one thing on her mind as she felt the tears streaming down her face.  
She sighed, she had let go of the thing that meant the most to her. The man she adored, the father of her child, the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Deepest inside atleast, she just couldn't admit it to anyone, not even Cristina.  
She was abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door and Cristinas face peeking in.  
"Guestroom?" Cristina scolded.  
"Yeah.. I .. The.. It's.. There's a … " Mer mumbled slightly.  
"Derek reminder?" Cristina scoffed and shook her head. "What?"  
"I just, hormones, overreacted?" Mer sobbed as she hid her face in her hands.  
"Call him?" Cristinas voice was sincere but soft. It was a side of her Meredith had never seen,  
"I Can't.. I was awful.. I can't think, I can't breathe, I miss him.." Tears streaming down her face.  
"What did he do?"  
"Nothing, it was me, I told him we wanted nothing to do with him…. "  
"Well?" Cristina were confused.  
"I don't know… I'll give him time.. And I think he will comeback." Meredith mumbled. Oh, if she knew how wrong she was.

Derek sat at the airport, he speed-dialed Addie's number.  
"Hey" He mumbled as she answered.  
"Derek?" Addie's voice was filled with concern.  
"I need you to look after Meredith, take good care of her for me.. Okay?"  
"What? You're leaving?" Addie squealed.  
"Only for a few weeks, I'm going home to New York.. Is it okay if I stay in our old apartment?" he mumbled, he didn't want to stay at a hotel, nor at his mother's house.  
"Sure, there's an extra key where it always been.." Addie sighed, Derek and running from something was not a good thing, she knew from experience.  
"Derek…" Addie mumbled as the silence continued  
"Yes?" He spoke in his husky voice.  
"What happened? You don't run from things"  
"She said, she didn't want her child to have a father" He blinked, felt the tears sting his eyes as he spoke.  
All he heard then was Addie's gasp, a short mouthful of words that made no sense and finally  
"Derek, it's going to be okay.. Leave her some space, take some space.. We'll see you when you get back. "  
"Thanks Addie, you're so great" He whispered before he hung up, truly more inspired after talking to Addison and listening to her. He knew she was a good friend, and he was going to miss have her to talk to while he was back home, his four annoying sisters would probably bombard him with everything, not to get started on his mother. He sighed as he boarded the plane, and sat down in his seat preparing himself for the long flight across the country.

Mer reached for her phone for what felt like the 90th time this hour, she had dialed Dereks number several times, but not once had she called. She had waited for him to call her, but he didn't. She kept waiting, while people came and left to check on her, Cristina did her half emotionless 'you´re better off without him', Izzie did her supportive 'he's going to come, he loves you anyway' and started to bake muffins in the kitchen, Addison just came and smiled, telling her to remember the check up they had and that Derek loved her, Bailey came by, told her that the chief had let her off the next day but she could come in if she wanted to and she told her Derek was a jerk who didn't run after, touched by Baileys words Mer started to sob and told Bailey her thought about why Derek didn't follow, she mumbled her words and she looked away from Bailey cause she didn't want to see her face but Bailey just soothed her and told her Derek was a jerk who knew pregnant women had hormones all over the place and she told her Derek would come back if he was smart and with that she had left. It was a shame they all gave her hope, for no one of them except Addison knew that Derek had left, and would be gone for a while.

Derek left the plane, he had slept the entire way which made him happy. He didn't need the thinking time as he moved towards the rental-car place. He quickly got a car and headed down to the apartment he and Addie had shared for so many years, only a block from his mother's house.  
As he arrived it was close to midnight, and he stumbled into the bedroom and fell blankly down on the bed, and was asleep in a second. He slept a restless sleep, tossing and turning, missing the warmth of his other half, the love of his life, the mother of his child, the child he would never know.  
He closed his mind as he made a mental note in his dreams that he would be back in Seattle, but he could move back to his mom and sisters as soon as the chief could resign him, and he would take the chance cause he missed New York, and he didn't need to be reminded of his mistakes over and over again and he figured Meredith wouldn't have any problem keeping him out of the life of her daughter, his daughter, the girl he would never get to know. The life he helped her create.

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**A/N: I love reviews, and here i know you hate me, but PLEASE, don't stop reading! it's getting better (ofcourse, i'm the author, DUH i KNOW what will happend and,. you'll love it if you keep with me til then! )  
**

_chapter 14. Preview__  
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_As she reached the surgical floor she passed the board, noticing Derek didn't was in surgery and she turned to his office, and simply knocking on the door as she reached it, but with no answer she became slightly confused. Behind her Cristina came by, and she inhaled deeply as she saw her._  
_ "Mer…" Cristina said in a shaky voice._  
_ "What?" Mer scoffed as she turned to her best friend._  
_ "Derek.. took off" She choked out._  
_ "HE DID WHAT?" Mer screamed, her eyes stinged with tears and her mouth wide open in shock. _  
_ "He's gone.. We don't know when he comes back" Cristina mumbled quietly._


	14. All alone, and left where i stand

**A/N: god, i don't know.. My life is quite a mess and I'm deadly tired every night. Don't leave me yet, i'm doing small timejumps here and there so the time will pass but my brain won't cooperate on writing and stuff, sadly! But i've got started on 15, but i want it LONG! so it can take a week, but thats fine right?  
ANyways, read and review, and i'll love you deeeeeply!  
**

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Meredith shut her alarm off; she didn't want to go up. She wanted to wake up in Dereks embrace, feel his kisses in her neck and even his disgusting morning breath as she turned around.  
She took her time, she brushed her teeth and ate a good breakfast, and decided to visit Derek as she headed out in Seattle for shopping for their baby, her baby, his baby, her daughter, his daughter, their child. She knew she had a lot to make up for, and she knew her first stop. As she got dressed for the day, she stood still in front of the mirror, noticing a new thing. Her belly wasn't flat, it was rounded, she had popped, people could see that she was pregnant if she wore tight clothes and her face lit up in an enormous smile. She was pregnant, she was going to have a baby, with the love of her life. She couldn't do anything but smile.

She drove by the store where she saw the perfect make up gift, an onsie that said **World's best daddy**, and she knew that was it. She bought it as she drove to the hospital, and she walked through the doors and headed to the elevators, not knowing she had yet to find out that Derek had left.  
As she reached the surgical floor she passed the board, noticing Derek didn't was in surgery and she turned to his office, and simply knocking on the door as she reached it, but with no answer she became slightly confused. Behind her Cristina came by, and she inhaled deeply as she saw her.  
"Mer…" Cristina said in a shaky voice.  
"What?" Mer scoffed as she turned to her best friend.  
"Derek.. took off" She choked out with a sympathetic smile.  
"HE DID WHAT?" Mer screamed, her eyes stinged with tears and her mouth wide open in shock.  
"He's gone.. We don't know when he comes back" Cristina mumbled quietly.  
Mer looked at her as Addison walked by, overhearing their conversation.  
"Sorry to interrupt.. " She mumbled, holding a hand to her stomach, a habit both she and Mer had picked up the past weeks.  
"what?" Cristina growled.  
"Cris, I need to talk to her.. " Mer mumbled.  
Cristina shook her head in disrespect but left them as her pager suddenly went off.  
"Addison" Mer mumbled before turning to her, and leaning into her open arms.  
Addison hugged her lightly, soothing her as she felt Mer sob into her chest.  
"He's going to come back.. If he's smart" She whispered, trying to give her comfort.

As Mer was comforted Derek was walking down the block, and opening the door to his mother's house.  
"Mom?" He yelled through the door and suddenly the hall was crowded, apparently his nieces and nephews was set in there instead of daycare. He sighed to himself as he noticed his mother in the back.  
"Derek" She greeted him with a warm smile. "Where's Meredith?"  
"We….. broke up" He whispered as he reached her embrace and he felt safe in her arms. He had never been a mother's boy, but he needed a hug and he felt safe for once.  
"What?" Carolyn exhaled before she shoved the children into the living room leaving the oldest in care and then pushed Derek into the kitchen.  
"What happened?" She mumbled.  
"We had a fight, then another one and it just kept on and it ended with her telling me she didn't want me in our daughters life" He sighed, his eyes were blanch and he was close to tears, nothing that happened very often.  
Carolyn just hugged her son, "It's going to be alright.. I promise" She assured him, even though deep inside she knew he screwed up badly and she was filled with fear and doubt that it wouldn't be fixable.  
"Where do you stay?" she asked him, changing the subject.  
"Addie's and my old apartment, she lent it to me" He said.  
"But you gave that to her in the divorce and she moved to Seattle?" The confusion vas obvious for Carolyn.  
"She didn't sell it, I asked cause I need space and she told me the key were where it always been and so on" He tried to smile but his attempt was unsuccessful.  
"Oh my poor boy" Carolyn shook her head.

Meredith walked with Addie through the surgical wing, they headed up to OB and Addie's office to Mers despise.  
"Addison?" Mer tried but Addie just pushed her forward.  
She quickly opened the door to her office, pushing Mer down in the sofa and took place in the armchair.  
"Meredith, we have a LOT to talk about." Addison mumbled.  
Mers eyes widened, "You kidded me? You are having Dereks child to?" Mer gulped.  
"No, No, No, No" Addison laughed as she watched Mers expression.  
"I'm atleast one week shorter into my pregnancy then you are, and by that time Derek found me in bed with Mark, the same day you found your panties on the bulletin board" Addison laughed at the memory, now afterwards she had to realize it was meant to happened, she was supposed to be with Mark and Derek should be with Meredith, the affair she had have with Mark had been the best thing for both of them.  
Meredith slowly closed her mouth; she had literally dropped her jaw and been sitting and looking at Addison for a short 5 minutes with her mouth open listening to what she had said. All those times she had yelled at Derek the past days for blaming him for loving Addison and well Marks kid more than theirs. She felt the tears spill over her eyelids and she sobbed silently as Addison embraced her, soothing her softly.  
"It's going to be okay Meredith, I promise" She whispered, time after time.  
"I.. He… He must hate me" Mer sobbed, as she hid her face in her hands, "I didn't even listen to him, he said it a billion times but I always said that it was.. Oh my god, what am I supposed to do?"  
Addison shook her head, her lips curling up in a faded smile as she listened to Meredith.  
"Oh, Meredith… It's going to be okay" her soft calm voice was more than wonders to Meredith.  
How much she must love him, I will kick his sorry ass… Addison groaned as she thought of the pain the man put his pregnant girlfriend through.  
"Addison?" Mer finally said.  
"Yes?"  
"How far along are you?" Mer knew she needed a sure answer.  
"almost 15 weeks, you are hitting 16 today aren't you?" Addison was confident, but she knew what Derek would say, A scared deer in the woods.  
"I am.. I wish Derek was here.. " She mumbled.  
"Meredith, calm down.. We can talk about our pregnancies instead!" Addison gave a slight smile.  
"yeah… " Mer hesitated, but shrugged.  
"Have you popped yet?" Addison smiled at the tiny frame that rose from her lap; she never thought the girl would be comfortable in her arms, neither that she would be comfortable to have her there.  
She watched Meredith, her dirty blonde hair, her petite frame, her tiny body and her glowing spirit and suddenly she understood that Derek had fallen in love with that girl, she was amazing and Derek had surely fell in love, real love, love of his life – love with this girl and she understood that he had.  
Mer giggled slightly at Addisons question.  
"Yes, I have" She smiled as she lifted her top just as much for Addison to get a glimpse of what she had discovered the same morning.  
Addison laughed at Meredith excitement, she didn't think that the small girl would show that late, she was already 4 months in and had just popped, she should had popped weeks ago, but Addison just shrugged and smiled, shoving the thoughts aside.  
"When are you due?" Mer mumbled as she looked at Addison.  
"October 12th a little more than a week after you" Addison shrugged as her phone beeped.  
_Hey Ads, thanks for the apartment. Diamonds worth not to stay at moms. Can u look after Mer? I mean, I love her and all but don't tell her where I am, just look after her, kay? Can't really deal with her right now, /Der  
_She scoffed at Dereks message as she smiled at Mer.  
"Aren't you off today? Or well it's already 4 p.m but yeah"  
"I am, I was supposed to talk to…. " She trailed off as she saw the expression on Addisons face.  
"Ohh" Was all her response was as she grabbed her cell.  
_Derek Christopher Shepherd….. She's in the hospital, ON HER DAY OFF for your sake. DAMN GET YOUR SORRY ASS BACK HERE. Yes, m txt yellin at u! well, see u in 2 then. I won't tell her./Addie  
_  
Derek choked as he read Addisons message. She had been there to talk to him and he wasn't there. He inhaled deeply as he sat down on his mothers couch and stared out of the window. He couldn't go back yet, he needed space and she did to. What could happen during the two weeks he was gone. Oh he wished he knew just then, but he didn't so what was there but doubt and disbelief that Meredith would do anything.  
"Derbear" His mom suddenly yelled from the kitchen.  
"Ma?" He answered in a breath.  
"Get here and help me, if you want food you'd better help" She laughed as he ran through the doors.  
"MOM" He squealed "Seriously. You make the best food.. " He added.  
"Set the table, Kathleen's coming"  
"MOM.. no, I don't want to be analyzed" He groaned  
"You won't"  
"Yeah, right.. Cause Kath wont when I'm alone and just got dumped by my pregnant girlfriend"  
"YOU GOT DUMPED?" Kathleen's voice broke through the door as she entered the kitchen.  
Derek shot his mother a look as he turned around.  
"Yeah" He nodded, as he got pulled into a hug by his sister.  
"Lucky I got here without the kids and Tomas then" She smiled as she pulled out and walked over to hug their mom.  
"KATHLEEN.." Carolyn sighed, "Don't psycho analyze him, he don't need it"  
Kathleen shrugged quickly.  
"Where's the food. I'm Starving"  
"So am I" Carolyn countered  
Derek sighed as he took the plates and set the table quickly.  
"So, if the food is done we can eat" He mumbled as he walked back into the kitchen to find his mom and sister whispering to eachother.  
"And please, if you're talking, please talk loud I need to be involved" He mumbled suddenly.  
"Gee Der, thanks for the confidence" Both Kathleen and Carolyn said at the same time.  
They all sat down and ate in silence and as they finished desert, Kathleen mumbled something about kids and took off.  
"I should to" Derek mumbled, going back to the apartment didn't tempt him at all anymore.  
"No stay here Derbear, You can sleep in your old room. Don't stay there in that lonely place" His mother smiled as they walked out to the kitchen.  
"Thanks ma" He mumbled "I'm off to bed now, I'm still Jetlagged." He shrugged as he walked up to bed. 

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**A/N: I love reviews, and it's coming.. just hang in there! (and i would NEVER write anything but merder sexscenes! just sayin, but yeah you will be slightly confused) anyways, REVIEW  
**

_chapter 15. Preview__  
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_She poked at him to wake him up and smiled._  
_ "Morning, I'm going to take a shower and when I get back you won't be here.." She mumbled, thinking of the first time she used those words, a year ago, how much that had changed._  
_ "So goodbye, ehm…" _  
_ "Philip" _  
_ "Oh, Goodbye Philip"_


	15. I want to be perfect

**A/N: IM SO SORRY! I am the worst human ever, seriously! but school has drained me, im suffering from severe sleepdeprivation, im on sleeping pills! i have tests every day and i had soccer an entier weekend, ending in a hurt knee and a bad cold! Im going to be better,**

**PLEASE REVIEW.. do not own them, cause then Grey's would be MerDer only, and it aint.  
**

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Mer looked at the alarm clock. It was a week and a half since she had last seen Derek and a week and a half since she had last slept in her own bed, he had been gone for over a week and she had no idea where. He could be anywhere, and he could be gone forever, was her little girl supposed to be growing up without a dad, she was groaning as she turned around to find the guy she spent the night with. Another guy, another day, another one-night-stand and another guy that could never replace Derek.  
She poked at him to wake him up and smiled.  
"Morning, I'm going to take a shower and when I get back you won't be here.." She mumbled, thinking of the first time she used those words, a year ago, how much that had changed.  
"So goodbye, ehm…" She smiled at him, the silence filled the room and she cleared her throat awkwardly.  
"Philip" The guy mumbled, as he pulled on his clothes and made himself ready to run.  
"Oh, Goodbye Philip"  
She shrugged slightly as she ran to the shower, her mind spinning about the night. She had slept with a new guy, again. She inhaled deeply and her head spun quickly, she was glad the guy had been really, REALLY drunk and that Derek wasn't home, as she knew. Cause she didn't know he had gone home a few days early, and now was standing outside her garden to find the guy running out through the door and Izzie nosing behind, looking at the guy with a confused smile on her face. He rolled his eyes to himself as he walked to his car and turned it around for the drive to the trailer and he decided to take his last few days off and go fishing, that so he could only clear his head.

Meredith tumbled down the stairs, a miracle she was still on her feet all the way down as she remembered that today was her latest appointment with Addie. She was now 17 weeks, closing up on 18 and she was almost half way into her pregnancy. She smiled at Izzie as she entered the kitchen and grabbed a piece of the pizza they had shared last night.  
"Who was that guy?" Izzie mumbled as she stood bent over the sink, frequently rubbing on a very clean spot on the plate.  
"Who?" Mer blushed slightly at Izzies words.  
"The tall, blonde, skinny guy with a lot of muscles"  
"I KNOW HOW HE LOOKS" Mer scolded  
"well, who was he?" Izzies curiosity took overhand.  
"Some guy.. Don't know, his name was Philip" Mer mumbled as she stared down into her pizza.  
"Oh… You're doing that again?"  
"Doing what?"  
"That thing you did, picking up guys in bars cause Derek dumped you" Izzie mumbled, slightly regretting her choice of words.  
"Well, yeah except I do it sober.. I'm horny and Derek is a bitch, a fucking bitch."  
Izzie stumbled to Mer and slowly pulled her into a hug as she began to sob. Izzie felt the tears soak through her sweater, but she knew her friend were more important.  
"You want me to come to the appointment?" She smiled as they pulled away.  
"Oh yes.. Please?"  
Izzie nodded quickly. "I just have to wake up George and then we can leave"  
She ran the stairs and knocked on Georges door.  
"Leaving now.. Don't sleep in"

They slowly walked to the elevators as they arrived, Izzie to the left and Mer to the right, looking around at everything as everything seemed to be different but yet it all looked the same.  
Mer pushed the up button on the elevator, waiting and waiting for the oh so slow elevators as she shifted her weight between her feet. She hadn't been to see Addison for her appointments without Derek and she felt nervous. What would he do when he wasn't there, how would it feel. Luckily she had Izzie. She smiled as the elevator opened and revealed Cristina.  
"Hey" She smiled at her.  
"Morning" Cristina answered sheepishly.  
"Cranky…." Mer mumbled as she yawned and pushed the right level on the button.  
"Wicked Witch?"  
"WHAT?" Izzie and Mer squealed in unison.  
"Addison?" Cristina shook her head.  
"yes" Mer smiled quickly. She giggled at Cristinas mention of the wicked witch, cause Mer had found Addison as a good company, a friend and help and support in so many ways she couldn't imagine. Addison was kind, she wasn't overly excited for anything as Iz nor was she mean like Cris, she was a good mix when it came to her daughter.  
As she stepped of the elevator she realized the nights escapades. She hadn't been drunk, but she had pushed it away. The fact that her cravings for sex had hit her early, at only 18 weeks, and they had hit when Derek was away or they would been together now. She sighed deeply as she nodded to the nurse, realizing she wanted nothing else but Derek's hot body, his muscled stomach, his perfect curly hair, his blue eyes, his smile, his voice, his big cock, his cum, him in her mouth, in her in all the ways. She just wanted him, in any way possible, she wanted to kiss him, to hold him, for him to hold her. She just wanted to be loved as he loved her and no other way, no one could ever fill Derek Shepherds place in her heart, that she knew for sure.

As she spent the next two hours in the hospital doing stitches, fixing stuff for other people as she waited for her appointment and her chat with Addison that she wanted more than anything at the moment. She felt the urge to talk about her nights, she couldn't talk to Cristina since she would be judging and annoying, she was a great friend yes but some days she was just too much nor could she talk to Izzie, she remembered the conversation from the morning, hence the irritation she felt for her at her judging and need for information. She felt like Addison was the best person here at this time, cause she had been a cheater, she had been the grown up, she had done what she needed and Mer knew she wasn't judging nor complaining, she would say that it was her choice or something like that.

She ran the stairs in anticipation for her friend and doctor and was a whole ten minutes early for her appointment though to her luck Addison had no patient before her and she could start right away. She smiled as she approached her doctor, and they nodded as they walked into the room and closed the door.  
"So…" Addison smiled slightly.  
"Yes… " Mer giggled.  
"18, that's, closer than 16" Addison laughed.. "Any odd cravings?"  
"No, except the sex" Mer mumbled slowly.  
"Oh, the perfect time… Expeciallywhenyouarealone" Addison whispered  
"Oh, bars" Meredith laughed loudly  
"bars?"  
"I'm not drinking, the guys does… pretty good, satisfying.. And the good thing, Derek's not home so he won't know"  
"Oh..:" Addison licked her lower lip  
"What?"  
"He flew home yesterday I think… His mom called me"  
"WHAT?" Meredith raised her voice… "What, why, when, why?" The thousands of question flew around her head as she sighed.  
"He couldn't stay.. His sisters or something…"  
"ohhh" Was all Meredith could hum out  
"Well… No more Derek right? Ultrasound?"  
"Sure" Mer felt the tears sting her eyes but she didn't care..  
Addison quickly put up the ultrasound, and squeezed some gel on to her stomach that had grew a bit sine the last time, she quickly swooshed the wand over her stomach as she found the heartbeat and she smiled at the steady thumping that eloped the machine.  
Addison was glad that they had become such friends during what seemed like an impossible place to be friends, her ex-husbands girlfriend and mistress and the ex-wife of the guy she fell in love with and who showed up in front of her and told her she was a slut, yeah she had realized the odds were against her but she had that bond to Meredith to, she felt good with her and she knew what she talked about when it came to Derek and family. Meredith was compassionate, she was going to be amazing in surgery, she was kind but not robotic like Cristina Yang. She was not overly caring like Izzie nor stone cold like Alex or Cristina and she wasn't a coward like O'Malley. She was awesome and Addison knew that, she knew that Meredith Grey would pull out the greatness of the brain, she would come up with so much cure and she would help so many and she wasn't even a resident yet, she was just an intern and she had a long road ahead of her, but she was of course starting out with the best, she had the DNA, the great Ellis Grey as a mom, she had grown up there, she had Derek as a teacher, she had the skills in her body, she had the brain and most important she had the love she needed to get through anything, and she had a baby that she would love unconditionally.

Meredith looked at the screen, her daughter was tumbling around in her belly and as she saw it on the screen she also felt the turns and twists inside her body and she let out a happy giggle that made Addison jerk her head up in confusion.  
"I can feel what I see, and I see what I feel" Mer giggled, she thought it was amazing  
"Oh, that is fun" Addison agreed, she couldn't disagree, it was the funniest most amazing feeling ever and she loved it, she loved that she shared this with Meredith to, it felt good. Oh that she didn't know Meredith felt the exact same about her, they both loved spending time together, doing boring stuff and talk, sleep and read. Meredith had become quite a reader since she had stopped the drinking, she read all days long as long as she didn't pick up a guy in a bar, sober.. Sure that wasn't half as much fun but she got sex and she craved it badly.  
"I hate guys in bars…." She scoffed  
"Why?" Addison laughed at the sudden comment.  
"No one and I mean NO ONE can fill up Derek's 9.5 inches" She frowned, that she had said that confused her slightly.  
"oh, that"  
"It sucks.. Most guys are 6, 7 but I mean.. NOTHING compares to Derek…"  
"No, it doesn't.. Or Mark does… But he's no 9.5-er."  
"really?" Meredith stared at Addison, she had pictured Mark way bigger than Derek, at least 10, maybe more.  
"Nope, maybe 8,5.. 9 if he's lucky"  
"Oh…." Mer laughed..  
"well, we are ending this now.. Do you want a picture?"  
"Yes, do you need to ask?" Meredith studied Addison quickly.

When Meredith exited the hospital with the picture safely tucked into her bag she formed a plan, and it was an excellent plan as raged flared up. Derek had left without a word and came back. She decided to stick to her plan but, not fulfill it until October. Oh she was such a bad girl as she giggled when she approached her car.

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**A/N: I love reviews, and it's coming.. Just hang in there cause now its begining.  
**

_chapter 16. Preview_

_As Meredith approached Bailey she smiled slightly._  
_ "Dr. Bailey, I want to be on neuro today, PLEASE?" _  
_ "You want to be with him?" Bailey was amused and shocked. She did everything to keep her intern from the last breakdown she needed and she asked for it. _  
_ "yes, I love neuro and I want to specialize in it when I get to that point" Mer pointed out and Bailey reminded herself that they did anything these days to get what they wanted._  
_ "Fine, put Yang on cardio again.." _  
_ "Thank you " _  
_ "I shouldn't care,I shouldn't get involved, they are not my babies" Bailey muttered under her breath as she walked away, but somehow she couldn't not care, they were her interns, her babies and she cared for them, even though she shouldn't._


	16. but i'm perfectly good at it

**A/N: Okay seeing as we all know about theese holidays i think we dont need to ahve that discussion abt my bad updates CAUSE its been horrible... and god ive almost broke down like four times past two weeks... so yeah! and this chapter is exactly 1999 words, hilarous!**

i need my own Pat, just so u know.. cause i cant have shondas.. apparantly  


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Mer sat in the kitchen, she had worked with her project every night and every morning for the past month and now in her 22nd week she only craved sex and weird food. As she sat at the table eating her pickles and chocolate sauce sandwich and worked on her thing that no one knew about she started to think. She had slept with just as many guys as she had when Derek had chose Addison all those months ago and she realized it could only be bad. Of course now longer no one wanted her, she was fat and pregnant and hormonal and weird.  
"Mer" izzie yelled as she approached the kitchen and threw her bag in the hallway.  
Mer snapped out of her thoughts and pulled her thing away as she walked out meeting Izzie, red eyed and sad, the face that told she had been crying.  
"Mer? You okay?" Izzie mumbled as she pulled her friend in for a hug.  
"I just, I'm fat, I get why Derek didn't want to be with me" She cried, soaking her friends shirt as the tears welled out of her eyes.  
"You are not fat, you are pregnant and barely showing." Izzie mumbled while she thought of the looks Derek had sent Mer in the hospital. She was in awe for the love he felt, and he showed it but he didn't dare to take a step to talk to her, he was scared and she didn't understand why.

Derek on the other hand was amazed by Meredith, he was amazed that she pulled through and he knew she was at 22 weeks but that she still stood strong, she was hanging in there and he was in awe by her strength. He loved her so much, the mother of his unborn child, the love of his life. He wanted nothing but holding her, having her in his OR, Bailey had somehow put her on every other service than his since he came back, and he was terrified it was Mers own wish, which he didn't know it wasn't. She on the other hand wanted nothing else then getting back to neuro, she knew she wanted to be there and she couldn't wait. She hated cardio, peds, ortho or whatever she was on, she just wanted the safety Derek gave her in his OR, with him she felt complete.

As Meredith approached Bailey she smiled slightly.  
"Dr. Bailey, I want to be on neuro today, PLEASE?"  
"You want to be with him?" Bailey was amused and shocked. She did everything to keep her intern from the last breakdown she needed and she asked for it.  
"yes, I love neuro and I want to specialize in it when I get to that point" Mer pointed out and Bailey reminded herself that they did anything these days to get what they wanted.  
"Fine, put Yang on cardio again.."  
"Thank you "  
"I shouldn't care,I shouldn't get involved, they are not my babies" Bailey muttered under her breath as she walked away, but somehow she couldn't not care, they were her interns, her babies and she cared for them, even though she shouldn't.

Mer stumbled into the room where Derek was rounding her breath caught in her throat and she smiled slightly as she stopped at the foot of the bed.  
"Morning Mrs. Jonson" She smiled at the patient.  
"Morning Dr. Grey" Derek breathed as he inhaled her sweet sent, taking in her body as if he hadn't seen her in ages. He was in awe of her beauty and without any notice of the patient he stared at her and smiled.  
"Dr. Shepherd" Mer nodded without taking her eyes of the chart, knowing any contact with him would be devastating. She felt her heart flutter, beating in an increased speed in her chest. She slowly pulled her hands to her stomach to feel her daughters easy kicks in her upper stomach and as she moved her hands Derek's eyes followed slowly.  
"You okay Dr. Grey?" He asked firmly, the concern hidden as the both of them thought the other one was mad or something on the other one. Not knowing anything made the others heart to flutter, a slow breathtaking moment as their eyes locked and Mer thought she'd fall down by his sweet but determined voice.  
"I'm fine, she's just kicking" She responded sheepishly.  
"Oh, You're pregnant, sad since the two of you could make an excellent couple" Mrs. Jonson's sleepy voice came from the bed, as she sat up a little to face Mer. The quiet gasp from Derek was enough to make Mer smile to not show her own mental freak out.  
"I am" She smiled at the woman "22 weeks actually.. Time flies when you're pregnant doesn't it?"  
"Oh it does.. May I ask if your boyfriend or husband is happy with the child? Cause with my first my husband really wasn't that happy since we weren't married or anything, and we hadn't really discussed a baby yet"  
The awkward silence filled the room as Derek looked at Meredith and waited for her reply.  
"I… He.. We… He's not my boyfriend anymore.. sadly enough cause I miss him" Meredith mumbled. "But I guess he is happy anyway.. I know he always wanted to be a father and, I think he's going to be an amazing one till this little girl"  
Derek just stared at her, his eyes wide and his mouth open in a gasp and they heard his intake of breath.  
"Dr Shepherd?" Mrs. Jonson asked confused.  
"yes… Mrs. Jonson" he smiled slightly, his brain still fogged by Meredith's words and the time it took to understand what she had said, the sadly enough spinning madly in his mind.  
Meredith suddenly took his hand and put it on her stomach.  
"Feel that" She squealed as the girl kicked hard, and Derek winched as she hit his hand.  
"Wow" He mumbled, amazed by both his daughter and Meredith who pulled him closer like that.  
Suddenly she embraced him and smiled..  
"She's amazing" her tears fell freely in her eyes and she laughed slightly.  
"Our girl" Derek mumbled, they both in their own bubble missing both Cristina in the door with a shocked expression and the woman in the bed who was suffering from slight confusion. As they broke apart she coughed.  
"He's the father?" She asked and they both nodded.  
"He is" Mer blushed, as she looked down knowing all the awkward questions that could come up in that moment.  
Derek slowly backed off, and turned down to his chart and looked at his watch.  
"Well, we'll wheel you into surgery in two hours. Dr. Grey will prep you before… I'll send a nurse in to run a few tests" He smiled at her as he backed out of the room leaving Mer alone in the presence of a nosy old woman.  
"Well, you two looks like a cute couple" Her voice still raspy.  
"We were… I got to go. I'll come back later" Mer mumbled before she ran out the door and leaned against the wall taking slow deep breaths. She closed her eyes for a moment, just to capture everything around her. Just before she opened her eyes she felt Derek's arms around her, lifting her up and pulling her into the closest on-call room that was free and pulling her down on the bed into his lap.  
"Mer" He whispered as she opened her eyes, staring into his blue ones.  
"Derek…." She muttered before slowly sitting up and leaning against his chest. "Imissyou" She mumbled quietly and she got only that one look that meant he had figured out what she said and that was all she needed, she slowly leaned back against him and breathed in his scent.  
He only held her in his arms, breathing her in, taking in everything and suddenly he planted a soft kiss on her forehead, a quick one, just like a habit as always. She flung up out of his lap as he did it and stared at him.  
"I can't….. The cozy was okay but… no, Derek you have hurt me too much.. I'll, I don't… No.. I don't want you in my life as before, I can't, and I don't want you to hurt our daughter so I'm sticking to my word" And with that said she ran out of the room and into the lounge.

In the scrubroom, 2 hours later the air could be cut with a knife. It was quiet, tense and horrifying and Mer was scared for what was to come in that OR. He could put her in the back and make her watch, or he could be McDreamy that she did love but didn't want in her life, or so she said at least, and let her assist in the way she could. She sighed as she entered the OR and positioned herself in the back, if he would want her he could call her up to him. She watched how he entered the OR himself, his head held high and his ferryboat scrub-cap on his head as it were his most precious thing he had, and his melancholy voice speaking.  
"it's a beautiful day to save a life, let's have some fun"  
He stood before the woman's head, looking at the nurse as he asked for the scalpel and started his procedure. Not once did he ask Mer to walk up and watch, to assist or even asked her a question. He left her in the cold, until that dreadful moment in the end as he was a second from closing and he heard a gasp from behind and he turned around watching her clutch her stomach tightly as if she was in labor.  
"Dr. Grey?" He asked concerned but sternly.  
"'m okay… " She mumbled as she stood up, still slightly turned off by the sudden pain.  
"I can see that…" He scoffed and turned back to the patient.  
Mer just stared at him as she took a deep breath and straightened and slowly made her way out of the OR, feeling Derek's eyes in her neck as her walk was ten times slower than ordinary as the pain didn't subside.  
"Dr. Carter, care to close?" Derek mumbled as he took off after her into the scrub room.

"Meredith?" He asked as she stood by the sink, clutching it hard as she breathed through the pain.  
"I'm FINE" She mumbled sternly, "You can leave, I don't care about you" She turned around and headed towards the door. "asshole" she muttered under her breath before she noted Addison right outside.  
Derek followed her and grabbed her arm.  
"MEREDITH GREY" He yelled at her, causing her to jerk her head up in fear.  
"You are not fine, that was not you being fine.. What happened?" He asked, his eyes rimming in fear of something happening.  
"That's none of your concern .. Seeing as you are not involved in us"  
"Oh, but I am.. Since I am her father and you know that"  
At that moment Addison barged through the door and stared at Mer.  
"Mer?" She asked.  
"It was… it hurt" She mumbled, fumbling into Addisons comforting arms.  
"What hurt? Let's get out of here.."  
"Mer…" Derek mumbled as they turned to the door.  
"Derek… Not right now, later" Addison looked at him.

As Mer and Addison came outside, there was a small giggle escaping Merediths mouth,  
"That was like a Braxton hick, right?"  
"it was.." Addison laughed, "it was quite a scare"  
"It hurt" Mer mumbled, "And I feel bad for Derek, he cares so much and, I just left"  
She felt herself sitting down in a chair and Addison looked at her.  
"You love him, don't you?"  
"I do, so much"  
"Well, give him a few weeks and clear your and his head and you can work on stuff" Addison smiled.."  
"I will.. I will" Mer mumbled.

* * *

**A/N: I love reviews, and the more the faster... gracias! and i know, you hate me whatever... show me youre there atleast!  
**

_chapter 17. Preview_

_"He had an open wound… " Sydney were interrupted by the chief._  
_ "Major trauma, we're sending all our people" He mumbled.. "But the ambulance only take five.."_  
_ "We're are we going?" Izzie asked "I'm not dressed for like a volcano"_  
_ Bailey looked from Mer to Izzie and sighed._  
_ "Stevens.. Stay… "_  
_ "But.. "_  
_ "You were inappropriate" Bailey mumbled as she noticed her pregnant intern hesitate as she jumped into the ambulance._

_ They arrived to the scene in no time as they pulled out Bailey looked at them._  
_ "badges on the outside and think triage.. I won't hold your hand, make yourself useful.. " She looked at them and grabbed Mers hand.._  
_ "Be careful okay? If anything would happened to you or the kid, Derek will kill me, or himself.. or both of us.. Okay?"_


	17. I'm here to help you notice

**A/N: This is a bit shorter than usual, BUT real life caught up on me and i was all.. down-ey! I'm all, stables, school, work, diet.. yup! so sorry for my lack of updates, gonna try to write a few chapters in a rown now so i can post more often!  
**

**And for the Disclaimer.. well... We all know i'm yourheartlivesinmyvagina, not shonda! kay?  
**

* * *

As the past month of thinking and leaving Derek out in the cold and never telling him what had really happened, Mer started to make her mind up, she smiled as she marked another day in her calendar and smiled as she approached her due date more and more. She was officially over her 28th week and she was slightly nervous as she realized it only was 12 weeks to go which scared her a little as she rested a hand on her now swollen belly. If you met her, you would know she was pregnant, that's for sure. She slowly put on her clothes, and looked at the watch as she realized she was about to be late, oh how Izzie would kill her slowly.  
She stumbled out to the car, where Izzie was waiting and in a slight sour mode.  
"Mer.. Triage today.. and we are in a hurry" She growled.  
"I know… " Mer grinned, "I know"

They arrived into the hospital in no time, as they entered the first thing that was heard was Cristinas angry voice.  
"Triage is crap, I want to cut"  
They shook their heads as they walked in and changed to scrubs, and Izzie squealed as she saw Mers now showing stomach.  
"That's so cute" She squealed and ran over to touch it, as Mer sighed and let her put her hands on her belly.  
"People, this isn't social hour, let's go.."  
The group ran after their resident who brought them to no one less than…  
"Sydney?" Alex screeched as they saw who was their tutor.  
Sydney smiled at them, and she slowly smiled as Izzie tried to fix her, as she kindly put it.  
"So, he can go home" Iz smiled and Sydney sat up to fall back again.  
"And he went home and got septic and died.. Thanks"  
"What?" The group asked confused..  
"He had an open wound… " Sydney were interrupted by the chief.  
"Major trauma, we're sending all our people" He mumbled.. "But the ambulance only take five.."  
"We're are we going?" Izzie asked "I'm not dressed for like a volcano"  
Bailey looked from Mer to Izzie and sighed.  
"Stevens.. Stay… "  
"But.. "  
"You were inappropriate" Bailey mumbled as she noticed her pregnant intern hesitate as she jumped into the ambulance.

They arrived to the scene in no time as they pulled out Bailey looked at them.  
"badges on the outside and think triage.. I won't hold your hand, make yourself useful.. " She looked at them and grabbed Mers hand..  
"Be careful okay? If anything would happened to you or the kid, Derek will kill me, or himself.. or both of us.. Okay?"  
Mer just nodded as she ran after her friends.  
She stumbled out into the mass and slowly made a 360 turn to catch it all, she saw the ferry in fire, she saw the cold Elliot bay that was filled with humans, and boats and stuff floating and she saw doctor after doctor treating patients, people running around looking for each other and piles of dead people. The smell was an instant hit, she was taken aback by the gross scent of whatever it was and she sighed, knowing she was up for a long day. She ran to her left and before she was aware she ran into something, something familiar.  
"Dr. Grey" She heard, a muffled voice and she looked up into the eyes of the man she had avoided for weeks.  
"Dr. Shepherd"  
"What are you doing here, you shouldn't be here considering your condition. You could fall into Elliot Bay or get run over by someone"  
"I am here to help, and I got sent here by Bailey so it shouldn't be your concern"  
"It is, since you're an…" Derek begun but decided against better judgment to not go any further.  
"Well… I'm going to treat patients.. See you when I'm drowning in the Bay" Mer joked  
"Don't joke about that, stay away from the water Mer.." Derek looked at her, _cause I somehow can't live without you so please, please don't drown. _His eyes looked over her as she smiled weakly, and she nodded.  
"I will Derek, I will.. If you do too" She mumbled. _Cause even if it seems like it, I don't want to live without you there, looking at me, cause I love you, kinda. _  
He slowly turned around and walked of, away from the bay and closer to the city to find something to help with when he heard the screams from the dock. The man was lying, with a deep cut in his leg and Derek practically ran over to help him.  
From distance Cristina saw Derek sit by the mad, quickly bandaging his leg and put his jacket over the man's trembling body. She took a few steps as the man started to scream and she saw how he pushed Derek backwards down into the cold water.  
In shock she ran over the dock and jumped into the water, because she couldn't see Meredith, her person live without that man. And as she just had downed under the surface the nurses found the man and quickly put him on a gurney and wheeled him away, no notification about their surrounding accident.

At the time as Derek had fallen into the water and been down for probably a minute, Mer walked around to find the man Derek had helped wheeled into an ambulance.  
"Where's Dr. Shepherd?" She asked as she saw the jacket on the man.  
"No Idea" The nurse or what he now was answered.  
"But this is his jacket" She mumbled, as she looked around over the scene.  
"Yeah.. He must have moved on" The man shrugged before he jumped into the ambulance and they drove off.  
Mer shrugged slightly, an uneasy feeling filling her stomach as she grabbed the hand of the little girl who had lost her mother. She walked away hoping that the feeling she had would go away.

Cristina felt how the cold water soaked her clothes, but she for now didn't care unless she got Derek out of the water, for her friend, her person. Who could not live without that man, even though she didn't know that just quite yet, and she searched the water again and again to find the body that sank and as she spotted it she felt the air in her lungs slowly disappear from her as she did one last out-breath.

Derek felt the cold water surround him, and he felt how he was drawn to the bottom, his clothes soaked and he couldn't breathe without breathing in water. He breathed out the last of air in his lungs before he sank to the bottom of the bay.

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**A/N: Do not hate me,cause this has a really good outcome, i promise promise! okay? And i don't kill anyone, trust me! it's just good for the tention! lol! Read, Review, Enjoy!  
**

_chapter 18. Preview_

_ She slowly walked to the ambulance and looked into it, finding Cristina sitting beside Derek, who didn't breathe for himself and tears suddenly fell freely down her face.._  
_ "You have to save him" She cried as Cristina pulled her into the ambulance to ride back to the hospital._  
_ "I'll do what I can Mer, I promise.. I want you to live" Cristina mumbled as she saw Mer close her eyes and she fell down on the floor into a heap_.


	18. Check my color

**A/N; I've been bad on updating.. and this is short.. BUt i dont have ANY time to write, AT ALL! And i'm suffering from writers blocks to. And i sleep to much..  
And i feel that the response on my stories are slightly bad so i have no motivation. Well, i've scraped this together, and we'll go from there.. I had the end written on this fic, and the story all planned but, now i just feel like i need to change it. Cause otherwise this story will be too outdrawn. So im thinking a HUGE timejump or a diff story ending. Whataya think? your descions :)  
Well, no more rambling, here you have!  
**  
Cristina slowly brought the body of the half dead, half alive man up to the surface, and the tiny person she was slowly carried a blue skinned Derek in her arms as long as she could. The people on the bay slowly realized she was there and someone threw down a gurney, and then everything happened so fast.  
Mer stood at a distance and saw Derek, the man she loved and the only man who ever loved her being wheeled into an ambulance and someone doing compressions and trying to, what it looked like bringing him back to life. She slowly walked to the ambulance and looked into it, finding Cristina sitting beside Derek, who didn't breathe for himself and tears suddenly fell freely down her face..  
"You have to save him" She cried as Cristina pulled her into the ambulance to ride back to the hospital.  
"I'll do what I can Mer, I promise.. I want you to live" Cristina mumbled as she saw Mer close her eyes and she fell down on the floor into a heap.

The pain that ripped through her stomach when she woke up, an hour later and on a gurney in the hospital as Derek had been brought to Seattle Grace, the memories of the mornings event brought her back into a painful minute when tears fell down her face and she let herself feel what she should for the first time. She looked around to find her room empty and she sighed deeply as she tried to stop the tears that still streamed freely down her face. She slowly sat up, but realized to late that she had no energy left to do such things and fell back into the bed and waited for anything, a sign of life or anything.  
"Meredith" Addison's voice sounded from the door.  
She rolled her head to the side and smiled as she waited for the older woman too speak up.  
"what?" She grumbled..  
"Don't pass out…" Addison sighed deeply, her skin had lost the glow from before and now she looked dull. "Derek's okay.. He's breathing on his own and he's about to wake up.. And your baby is okay, nothing happened except your blood pressure was a bit low so you're staying here tonight to prevent ANY complications. Okay?" The small smile was enough for Mer to relax slightly.  
"Fine. If I can see Derek?"  
"yes, if you go in a wheelchair. My one condition.."  
"Fine…" Mer huffed but she had that sparkle in the eyes that said she was fine with it only she got Derek's pretty face in front of her.  
They moved quickly through the hospital and ended up in Derek's room in the ICU, even though he was breathing and his heart was beating on its own now he had yet to wake up.  
"We're leaving you here for a while" Addie smiled before she turned on her heels and clicked away, her heels fading away.  
Meredith stared at the body in front of her, the grey-ish color and his wild black mane that now just was there, it wasn't Derek, it was a corps.  
"Derek, please.. I.. love you" She mumbled quietly before she sighed and wheeled herself back to the corner where she had a view over the entire room, including her guy, her loved one, her babydaddy, her everything. She silently cursed herself for being there, she had 12 weeks and she didn't want to cave, she really did love him but have him in her daughter's life, not so much or well as she didn't want him there she wanted him there so she wouldn't grow up as she did herself.  
"You've put yourself in a cave, didn't you?" She mumbled to herself, as she wheeled out of the room and looked at a nurse.  
"Please, can you bring me to my room?" She asked Olivia, as she smiled at her before she got wheeled away, not aware of that Derek had woken up to see that she had been wheeled away just a moment before.

Derek sighed deeply, he had tried not to fall but somehow he had yet fell into the water and his clothes pulled him down and made it impossible for him to swim, and now he was in the hospital and all he saw was Mer being wheeled away, and all he really wondered was what she did in a wheelchair, if something had happened to her or anything and all those questions drove him crazy or at least crazy enough to push the nurse-button to get his answers.

Mer arrived back in her room just to watch Cristina enter it with amusement.  
"Why's your ass burnin'?" She mumbled  
"I just couldn't stand watching Derek" Mer mumbled weekly.  
"No, I know you just admitted you still love him in front of me in the ambulance and to him in his room while he slept, hopefully for your sake."  
"He could been awake?"  
"Yeah, he was awake when I saw him the last time about forty minutes ago" Cris snorted.  
"oh… well, I don't think he was when I was there."  
Cristina looked at her slowly and turned away with a huff.  
"Yeah, right.. And I'm gay" She mumbled under her breath.

Derek looked at Bailey as she entered through his door and he gave her a halfhearted smile as she glared at him.  
"What did you think you were doing?" She suddenly yelled. "You can't drown in front of my intern"  
He looked at her with a puzzled facial expression and raised one of his eyebrows.  
"What, I did that?"  
"You fool…" Bailey muttered silently.. "You pushed the button"  
"Yeah, what happened to Meredith?"  
Bailey just looked at him and rolled her eyes and shook her head  
"Your lover, baby mother, MY intern saw you falling down in the water, and in her state she couldn't do anything so her friend and my other intern saved you and your intern practically collapsed as she saw you and she told her she loved you and that you couldn't die.. Is that enough?"  
"She loves me" Derek mumbled silently.. "She said that she loves me"

**A/N; So, reviews makes me happy! and i need you to check out my other story - We are who we are..  
And again im sorry for the lack and i'd love to know if i should continue and if i should change the SL or not...  
HUGS  
**


	19. AUTHORS NOTE!

**Authors Note:**

At first, to whoever you are you can be Epic Fail, atleast i can stand for my values and those are NOWHERE to be Addek AT ALL.. and for your information I have straight A's through english - so no.. im not bad at it, i've got scholarships from my english so yeah, there's your first worng. !  
But as sleep-deprivation , miscarriages and deaths occur you don't ever care how bad your spelling is in the spur of moment.  
And for the record i don't like Addek anywhere, never ever! I can BARELY watch s2 as it drives me crazy just thinking about Addek. I've been recording every merder moment since the first season and it was an instant love of merder. You cannot call me anything but a merder fan, i'm hardcoe for merder, but i do love angst in a bit, but then ofcourse i could never split merder up.

and im sorry that you ain't as big of them as i am and that you ain't strong enough to not be anonymous.

I'm sorry that this AN had to come, and people like mentioned above occur in my life makes me less driven in my writing.  
To all of you who's reviewed with positives, thank you. You lighten up my day as it is right now, i've been downhll depressed but you make me smile atleast a tad every day!

Sincerly L.


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